Quite interested in your detailed exposure. Really good topic, Pls keep writing. Gives me hope.
After I posted this, I caught a heated discussion on this topic on another thread, and it scared me off!
But for you, here's what happened to me.
After my H left to move into the scuzzy motel w/OW, I made a list of who could help me and who would not. I began calling those I thought might help. I wrote out a little speech so that I would not get all emotional. I simply said, H is having an affair w/ OW. I want to save my marriage and keep my family intact. I would appreciate your help in encouraging H to do the right thing, dump OW, and return to our family. I also sent OW an email saying Please respect our family, marriage, and 23 year relationship and end you involvement with H.
Needless to say H was upset. He began to realize I did love him. (He had convinced himself or she had convinced him that I did not care about him) When he confronted me, I explained that I would do exactly what I vowed to do when we were married. For better or worse. If he were on drugs or the bottle, I would do the same.
This did not end their affair. Although many times it is enough to.
What did it do? For me, it gave me some power. I took my stand, everyone new where I stood. H had tried to tell some folks, we were having "marital difficulties". Nope! The dope was fooling around!
Exposure took the romance out of their sails a bit. Now they had a seedy affair and were hurting people. Most people now see them for who are, not some fairytale lovers. Some of these people are still polite to them, some antagonistic, but most have distanced themselves from them.
In contacting OW, I let her know I was standing my ground, and would not allow her fantasy of replacing me in my life occur. I am sure she is beginning to see that. A year and a half later, still in the scuzzy motel, has to be getting to her, while I am in the big house with cars and the money. I doubt that means too much to her but who knows. I am sure she has given him the "I don't need money to be happy, this is home to me now" crip but it has to be wearing thin. The cracks will show eventually.
Exposure in my opinion is necessary if the A is ongoing. If it has already ended, there isn't much point.
If exposure is threatened, you have already taken half the wind from the sails of it. Affair partners will quickly do a pre-emptive strike, and tell people you are crazy, miserable, whatever will suit their story. Be first, Be respectful. and then get out of the way.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
