I never thought about how my H ran interference, but I can see it. I feel like I must be wearing a sign or emitting some signal that men can sense. I don't remember it being like this, even when I was single. Maybe the years have fogged my memory.
Your mom and my dad could really get going if they got together. My father is resistant to the idea of depression as an illness or chemical imbalance. My father's usual refrain is, "You just don't leave. It's not right. You just don't leave." He also asks lots of questions like, "How long does he think he's going to be sad?" "What does he have to be so sad about all the time?" "He never really did much, did he? Is that because he's so sad all the time?" "I go to work and come home and do things. I'm not sad. Why is he so sad?" "He's tired? We're all tired. What makes him so much more tired than anybody else? Does being sad make you tired?" and the ever-popular "Have you changed the locks on the doors yet?"
Probably like your mother, I'm sure my dad thinks H should come crawling back, begging for mercy and forgiveness. He should come bearing gifts, of course, and promise to never be "tired" or "sad" again.
There's no getting my father to understand depression. I have answered the same questions for three months, and there's no end in sight. I've learned with my father that he doesn't really want answers, and he doesn't plan to listen to answers if you give them. He just wants to ask questions and raise his voice. I can live with that.
