No one knows why your h is calling. It could be any number of things, i.e., wanting to see where your head is at w/the divorce, wanting to pick up some things from your house, party, etc.
At some point, you'll need to pick up the phone or he'll be sitting on your front steps waiting for you. But do it when you are feeling better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
DU, why don't you write your H a love letter, but don't send it. You can even do a lovingkindness meditation (google it if you're interested) to send him loving vibes. But communicating your love to your H directly will not help you at all, and you will probably feel worse because of his response, which will probably be pushing you away. I know how you feel...at times I've had very intense urges to do this...but they do go away for a while
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
hey, max told me to stop by, saving your thread...
flowmom had a great idea to write the letter (and DON'T send).
when we tell our WAS ILY, that not only is pursuing, but they are not ready to say it to us, and therefore puts guilt on them as well.
we need to look at our goal. our goal is to save the M, bring our Spouse home. They will only come back when they are comfortable to come back. if we are putting guilt on them and pursuing them, they will not feel comfortable enough to come back.
does that make sense? I know it isn't fair, but we need to see what our goal is, and will the choices we make get us closer to that goal, or further away?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Snodderly, FM amd ST, yes, this all makes sense to me. I am taking all of the advice I have been given and sticking to it. Actually, it was a far better weekend that I thought it would have been. No excessant crying or sobbing.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
good for you! what are you doing this week to fulfill passions you left behind after marrying? what are you doing this week to create a better YOU?
do you have children?
hopefully sometime I will have a chance to read your thread, but I'm very busy though, so I apologize for any questions that you've previously answered.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST, I do not have children. But I have plenty of nieces and nephews.
BTW all, my H sent me a text message today. It says, " Rachel, checking to see if you're doing better. Hope so."
I have not checked his voice message from Sunday, nor have I called or responded to anything. I am completely dark. It is getting easier.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU, good to read that going dark is getting easier for you. And continue to take it easy on yourself. Sending you lots of well wishes...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
