OK - you got me, Mach. I'm afraid of not having him love me again. Doesn't make sense, does it? But, I think that's it. I still love him with all my heart, and so desperately want him to love me again.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
OK - you got me, Mach. I'm afraid of not having him love me again. Doesn't make sense, does it? But, I think that's it. I still love him with all my heart, and so desperately want him to love me again.
Is him loving you back something that you can control ?
How does staying stuck, and hoping that he changes his mind, benefit you and your life.
And I am NOT talking about moving on....I am talking about moving FORWARD with you....and the things YOU want in life too..
Believe it or not....
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY TOO.....
And you are giving another human , that power over YOUR life....
If you were a newbie....what advice would YOU give them ?
"Is him loving you back something that you can control ?"
NO
"How does staying stuck, and hoping that he changes his mind, benefit you and your life."
It doesn't, and can't.
"And I am NOT talking about moving on....I am talking about moving FORWARD with you....and the things YOU want in life too."
I am really trying on this one.
"Believe it or not....
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY TOO...."
I believe this.
"And you are giving another human , that power over YOUR life...."
If I can't conquer this fear (him never loving me again), I am giving him control?
"If you were a newbie....what advice would YOU give them ?"
The same advice you and others have given me. AND, believe it or not, I have made a lot of progress. I DO NOT appear desperate. I am completely independent. I do not mope around or live the depressed life that I was living in the beginning of all of this. I am stuck. I am stuck at the point that I am at: the D process is beginning. I still love my H. I don't want to let go. To me, D is the end of what I had, and it is very hard to face. Can I? yes. I'm looking for help.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
The same advice you and others have given me. AND, believe it or not, I have made a lot of progress. I DO NOT appear desperate. I am completely independent. I do not mope around or live the depressed life that I was living in the beginning of all of this. I am stuck. I am stuck at the point that I am at: the D process is beginning. I still love my H. I don't want to let go. To me, D is the end of what I had, and it is very hard to face. Can I? yes. I'm looking for help.
Don't think I , or any of the others are against you....
I'm not
I'm just trying to get you to see what you are giving to him, almost daily.
It is a normal part of the healing process, and there are an abundance of people living this way out there.
They are the neighbor , or the guy at work, or the woman at coffee shop that we meet and have casual conversation with....
The people we walk away from thinking about how bitter they have become....
The difference here is....
YOU have admitted being stuck were you are, and you are seeking help....
You are also a DBer, and most of the time, you have a peer group that is willing to kick you in the a$$, and keep you moving forward.
You know the difference between the two....
Think about what YOU want....
And the steps YOU can take to find your own happiness...
NOT dwelling on your husband and his every move, is a start of that....
