I love your Napolean comment! Very similar to the attitude gucci preaches here. Something else gucci says is "The one who cares less about the relationship controls it." Good stuff to remember.
I've been surprised how easy it has been to cut off nearly all contact with my W. I never initiate contact unless absolutely necessary for kid business, and then only by text or e-mail, and as short as possible. Even during child transitions, I act quickly, and I avoid looking at her. If she tries to have a converstation, I give short one or two word answers. I can get through a transition without even feeling like I've been in her presence. It has done wonders for my detachment.
I definitely agree you should take those wedding pictures down. We avoid doing stuff like that because it hurts, but taking the hurt all at once is better than the continual nagging pain each time you look at them. The healing can start.
I totally agree my W loves getting my attention. I was always the one who would try to "make everything better" when we'd have a fight. I now look back on the emotional blackmail and manipulation she used on me, and I feel pathetic for allowing it. No more. I'm sure she is feeling very insecure about how she has apparently lost all control over me. She is treating me with considerable respect now.
There is definitely a better life out there than pining for a person who doesn't want you. It takes time, but keep working on detaching. In my case, my kids don't seem to mind the loss of the family time. I am in such a good mood all the time now, they seem to be reacting to that.
Yeah, my plan for caring for the kids over the summer is up to me. She's now hitting me with the requirement that an adult be nearby and accessible in order for her to feel safe leaving her kids in the care of a 17 year old teenager. Whatever. I'll do what feels right to me.
