The adventure chronicles

[AFWAW]

her trigger. if you dont or at least fake it, she will start looking for validation elsewhere.

You may be correct.

[AFWAW]

Congratulations on the promotion AF.

Thanks very much!

It sounds like your own LBS fog is lifting and you're starting to see her for who she is now. This whole ordeal has changed you whether you like to admit it or not. You're beginning to see what a disruptive force she is on the harmony you have built up with your D. Carry on observing objectively. Watch her actions and she will reveal herself.

My fog has lifted and you're right, I am seeing her for who she is. I know for a fact that this ordeal has changed me--I'm willing to admit that up front. It's funny that you would say this. I actually went to lunch with my wife today and she asked me out of the blue if I had any seconds thoughts or regrets about her moving home. I told her that I had. She totally overreacted and I told her so. Her first comment was to say, fine, just go ahead and file, someone will want me. So I asked her if she wanted me to be honest or did she want me to lie about how I felt? I told her if I could express how I felt honestly then how could we be expected to get past any of this?

She started crying and I just looked at her until she calmed down and she said I was right but that she felt that I hated her and that our daughter hated her. I told her that if she's looking for sympathy for what she did then she wouldn't get any but if she wanted to be a part of our life then she needed to act accordingly. She finally calmed down.

The old me wouldn't have said anything but I was just calm and to the point. I didn't get excited or emotional and it seemed to quickly calm her down when she saw that I wasn't stressed about it.

Take your time and think LOGICALLY about it. Speak to your D. Observe your D and see if W's presence is affecting her adversely. You still have a lot of introspection to go through bud.

I am trying to apply logic to this sitch and will continue to do so. I speak to my daughter about this all the time. She told me it's my decision and she told me she doesn't like the way her mom reacts to certain situations and it's easier to deal with just me.

Thanks very much for your insight.

[Kimmie Lee]

Well done!

I think it's so important that you're not patronizing your daughter. It's cool that she can look at her mother's behavior and see for herself what a poor role model is.

[hooper1668]

Congratulations on the promotion...I am so happy for you. This will open many positions for you and create opportunities that you might not have had as a MSgt...and the pay increase, both active and retired is nice!

You are doing the right things for you daughter...

Your wife has not done what she needs to do…give her some time. You need to set a deadline for yourself on how long you will accept her behavior. She doesn’t need to know the deadline just that you have one. Clearly explain your expectations and accept nothing less…be realistic on your internal timeframe.

You are not going to wake up tomorrow and everything is fine.

Again,
CONGRATS ON THE STRIPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AFWAW]

Hoop,
Good to hear from you! Hope your deployment is going well and you are staying safe.

Sooooo, this is getting even more interesting. I have the opportunity to go to Germany now. I had informed the wife about this earlier this week. She said that she wanted to stay here and had concerns about going overseas. Yesterday, I found out in a round about way that she actually called our assignment folks and changed her code so she cannot be stationed with me if I get orders.

I did not ask her about it last night but she did start a relationship conversation with me. She told me that she thinks she is going to be offered a national guard job and wants to stay here. I told her if she chose not to go with me then I would take that as her not wanting to be with me. She said she knew. I then asked her when she was moving out. She said she didn't know. I told her that I needed a decision within the next few days. I told her that either she's totally committed to us or she had to go. She said she knew.

She told me that she felt that I did not give her enough affection and that she could not satisfy me sexually. I almost laughed out loud at this comment but instead asked, how is it that you've had sex with 6 other men but yet you think for some reason that you're not adequate enough to satisfy me? That makes no sense. She said, it wasn't 6. I said, that's what you told me a few weeks ago. I told her that she was still not being honest and I wanted to know how many it really was. She thought about it for a minute and said it was 4. Yes, I know this is probably yet another lie. So I asked, why she told me 4, then 6, then 4? She said she didn't know.

Sooo, unless something happens to change my mind I think me and my daughter will be going someplace new(possibly Germany) towards the end of this year.

The difference between now and when this first started happening is way different also. I'm not crying, I'm not emotional and I guess it's fair to say that I'm somewhat detached. I think most in my sitch would be.

[AFWAW]

Well, she left again.

In a nutshell, she told me if I got stationed stateside, she would go with us but if I went overseas, then she would not go. I told her, either you're with me all the way or you're not. She said, you're right. So, I asked her again Sunday morning what her intentions were and she said she would not go with us. It seems that she is more interested in the well-being of her 20 year old son than her 14 year old daughter. Her son is 20 has no job, is married and has a kid on the way. She has refused to pay child support but has paid his phone, internet and cable I found out for the past 3 months. Hmmmmmm, pay this or pay for your minor daughter's needs---I don't get it. She doesn't seem to have her priorities straight.

Also, she wasn't sticking to my boundries. There was no transperancy. No access to her cell phone bills or emails. I suspect because she brought it up so often that she was home because of money.

So, I'm getting my house in order to sell. I painted yesterday and will continue to fine tune it for the next 2 weeks and then it goes on the market. If nothing better pops up than Germany for assignments, I will volunteer for that I think and take my daughter to see and experience Europe.

[marriedCrazy]

I think that's a fine idea AF..

Belated congrats on the promotion. I miss Germany; I hope you get there!

You sound very together AF and I believe you had to, at least, give it a shot with your W.

[PMA_Baby!]

I agree. Tell her to go sell crazy somewhere else...

[AFWAW]

LOL, so she called me today to tell me that she sent me an email that said she missed me? I said, you left last night. What's the deal? She asked if I still felt anything for her. I said, you know, you left, I don't see what you're trying to do by asking these type of questions. You obviously don't want to work on our marriage, you don't respect me and what I want and your priorities are obviously different than mine so can we dispense with questions that don't really matter anyway. She said fine, she would be over to help me get the house in order tonight. I can't wait for this to be finally over.

[AFWAW]

Quick update. I saw my lawyer today and paid the rest of my money to file. The wife has asked me to help her move and I said I would because I'm a nice person. She told me she wanted our bedroom furniture though. I told her no way. She said I could have her bedroom furniture from her apartment. I told her to get help from her friends to help her move then. She finally said I could keep the furniture.

So, this is really happening. The wife called today and asked about my filing today. I told her what her responsibilities were going to be regarding child support and that she would have to pay half the mortgage if the house did not sell and I moved(which I will be). She sighed and said it was too bad that we didn't work out. I didn't say a word but thought that if she really would have wanted us to work out she would have changed her ways when she came home. She didn't even try. No sir, I'm not giving her my paycheck and my manhood and asking for more. After all that's happened she's lucky I am a nice person.