Again, any advice on boundries on OM? Set boundry with out bieng specific. Or hold off till I get more proof?
I personally think you have enough, but if I remember, YOU weren't comfortable with what you had, and so I advised getting more?
What do you have?
Basically, The text message I saw, which I was very uncomfortable with the tone of - terms of endearment that for me would not be appropriate for people who are "just friends"
The pics from her sisters Bday party. There were none of them bieng intimate, but there were 2 with them dancing together, her with her leg between his - she dismissed it by saying it is a salsa club (apparently thats what you do when you salsa) I dont have a copy of the texts, and I dont know if she has downloaded and deleted the pics off the camera yet. A couple of inconsistansies in stories of her whereabouts ( dont think you could call that proof though. In my opinion that would be enough reason for me. If the tables were turned, I'm sure she wouldn't find this type of behaviour from me.
I think you need more. Keylogger on her computer (if you own it, or if it's joint marital property) or voice-activated recorder under the front seat of her car (ditto) should do the trick.
If it helps,if both of your phones are through the same carrier, you can go online and look at the usage which will show every single call and message made for the past month. A little bit of snooping will tell you who she is calling and messaging. But be prepared for what you may find.
M:40 W:40 D: 21 S: 18 D: 17 Md: 18 years -1/19/2010 W wants out -6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
Ok. So my plan so far: Moving back home when W is away. Try find out OM's whereabouts during that time Taking my place back in the marital bed (should I do this? I have a feeling the answer is yes :-D) When W gets back: Give the W my speech. So far I have just got the "I have moved back" announcement in. Is there anything else I should be discussing with her at this point? What should I say to my S7 about whats happening?
(and "yes," you sleep in your own bedroom, in the marital bed).
I wouldn't say anything to S7 yet. Answer his questions as they come up, in an age-appropriate way (ex.: "Why are you home again, Daddy?" A: "Because this is my house, and I missed it." "Is Mommy mad because you came back, Daddy?" A: "You'd have to ask Mommy that, honey. Sometimes moms and dads disagree on stuff like this, and we're having some problems right now, but it's NOT your fault. We both love you, very much.")
Thanks puppy. About the speech - is there anything else I should include? Or should I just explain to her why I have moved back, and tackle other issues as and when they come up?
Thanks puppy. About the speech - is there anything else I should include? Or should I just explain to her why I have moved back, and tackle other issues as and when they come up?
Any advice on how to handle the verbal abuse that I will probably be subjected to? Threats of divorce etc.
Be the lightning rod, show her that her feelings can't move you off what your values and beliefs are. Anger is good from her, the more in control you are the better.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Any advice on how to handle the verbal abuse that I will probably be subjected to? Threats of divorce etc.
Yes.
1. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
2. "Everything I'm doing, I'm doing to try to save our marriage."
She WILL tell you some version of "Well NOW YOU'VE BLOWN IT! I WAS going to consider getting BACK with you, but not anymore!" It's standard script. Count on it. If she does, then see #1 and #2 above.
I'm sorry I can't be more thorough with my advice today. I am absolutely SLAMMED at work.
