Gosh, Flowmom, Mb has to have a prepared response since I am certain her husband is not going to drop the D talk (since he is selfishly trying to aleive his guilt)
Saffie, there are stats somewhere. There are databases pertaining to psychology and peer reviewed articles and they would have the info. I am certain there is more than 'pop' articles. there is a scientific basis and the studies have to be "peer reviewed". I think Psychoinfo is one such database that most University's have (usually free to anyone who would like to access). Pubmed.gov may have some stuff also. You can just google for "statistics" and ".gov" or ".edu" for more authoritative stuff
MWD does a good job attacking divorce in C1 of Divorce Remedy. MWD spends a full chapter explaining why Divorce is a "Trap" and the last resort.
mb28 you really should read that chapter before signign anything please
In no way was my question related to mb28's sitch.
I was lucky that my mother was completely stable and that once separated my parents parented well together and my father managed to control his addiction.( He's still a prickly old thing - esp. with my mother- but still 1000x better than when they were together).
June,
I am so sorry for your experiences.
I do wonder sometimes if it is because both my H and I come from broken homes that we did manage to fight so well to save our M in the end.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
This is the ultimate question about a household. If there is a chance to eliminate the tension and conflict, then divorce should be put on the back burner until that is explored.
This is MORE or less what mb28's therapist told HER, give the marriage six months of work and then follow up with a checkpoint. I think this is a perfectly reasonable solution given the circumstances posted here to date.
In your situation I would have needed more details on your parent's conflict to comment, but there's a good chance the advice may be quite different in that case.
mb, I want to share some things that people have posted to DestinyUnknown recently. I hope they can help you too.
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
There is always hope. Even in the most dour of circumstances. When everything looks wrong and fruitless. That is when we discover our strength.
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
Right now your focus has to be on YOU. This is where you are falling short. No one can tell you what God's plan is for your life, but here are some ideas...
1) To show you that you are not alone 2) To show you that there are people that care about you. People you don't even know and have never met. Thousands of them. 3) To show you that you have strength inside of you that you never knew existed 4) To teach you patience and understanding
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Sometimes in my life, I think there's something that "should" happen a certain way, and then -- only later -- do I see where that wouldn't have been good for me, or maybe God had another way.
And at other times, frankly, I NEVER see it -- and maybe never will. It's one of those things I intend to ask the Big Guy someday when we sit down on a cloud and have that talk I want to have.
You can do this, and although I've never met you, I'll be praying for you.
Puppy
P.S. Here's a song that has helped me through my toughest of times. I hope it helps you too:
If I could only fly I'd go up and look down from the sky So I could see the bigger picture And Lord if I could sit with You At Your feet for an hour or two I'm sure I'd ask too many questions 'Cause there's so much going on down here That I must confess I just don't understand
BRIDGE But I have prayed And at your feet my whole life has been laid So I wont worry I wont be afraid 'Cause my soul is resting on Your higher ways Let the road ahead become unclear I am Yours so what have I to fear If my soul is resting on Your higher ways
CHORUS Your higher ways teach me to trust You Your higher ways are not like mine Your higher ways are the ways of the Father Hiding His children in His love
BRIDGE So let it rain And if my eyes grow dim with tears of pain This hope I have will not be washed away 'Cause my soul is resting on Your higher ways
Someday I will fly and Maybe then You will take me aside And show me the bigger picture But until I'm with You I'll be here with a heart that is true And a soul that's resting on Your higher ways
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks again everyone for your support. I've been doing good the last couple of days, and spent most of the day with the kids yesterday. It was fun and I finally enjoyed myself, which I haven't done in a long time. I did see my H a couple of times over the last couple of days for kids and household stuff. We just stayed out of each others way, and I liked it that way, it was more peacful.
We are going to a mandatory divorce education class tonight. It's required by our state before we can divorce. I hestitated on even going, but then a friend of mine said the first part of the class is about stopping a divorce and seeing if there are ways to work it out. And they explain the statistics on how it affects the kids. The second half of the class is about co-parenting. So, I've decided to go to the class.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
The judge would court order me to go and that wouldn't look good for me when it comes to the kids, espically after what I did last week. But I know the first part of the class is to try to convince couples to work our their problems and not get the divorce. So, I'm hoping that will be a plus
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
OK, so what is the procedure if you like the first half and want to work to resolve this? can you have the court order your husband to attend FT first for six months?
