Maybe it's time for LRT? I don't know. You know CB talked a lot about his "plan A" and "plan B". It seems to me that you have been trying plan A for some time now, and it is time for plan B.
No matter what, though, your feelings of devestation are going to be all that you can deal with for right now, so take care of yourself. Lots of self care.
I don't remember if you felt that your H was in MLC? He totally sounds like he's doing that thing where he pokes his head out of the tunnel then runs back in, spewing as he goes.
Sounds like confusion to me! You definitely need to back off and give him space.
I am not one of those cheerleader types of posters even if some may think so but in your case, it struck me as odd that you had this talk, right after the library book thing. It is pathetic to base your M on a freakin library book but to them it is the "the same old story repating" hopelessness feeling they get. I get it myself now with H.
Stay low, respect what your H is telling you. He wants out, fine. Do what a separated/divorced to be, woman would do. Just be polite and NOT eager to "finish up business". But do respect his feelings. Let's see how serious he is about it. K
Kalni said: Stay low, respect what your H is telling you. He wants out, fine. Do what a separated/divorced to be, woman would do. Just be polite and NOT eager to "finish up business". But do respect his feelings. Let's see how serious he is about it. K
I like everything Kalni has to say. Esp. the above.
Stay low, respect what your H is telling you. He wants out, fine. Do what a separated/divorced to be, woman would do. Just be polite and NOT eager to "finish up business". But do respect his feelings. Let's see how serious he is about it.
That sounds like the right course.
But you're back in the "shattering" stage of dealing with abandonment. The book recommends Staying in the Moment as a way to cope with shattering.
1. stop what you are doing 2. start listening to all the background noises 3. start to notice your sense of touch and how things feel physically 4. focus on taste/smell 5. focus on the breath
Even if you can only be in the moment for brief periods, it will help to ground you. Also, seek comfort in beautiful sights and music.
more hugs
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
you're all saying the lrt route and backing off is best for now
Max Gnosis says he thinks that isn't good because last night was the first time H opened up to me about what he was hurt by in our M. He thinks that means progress even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. He thinks that what I'm doing is working if he opened up to me about his hurts - maybe it's a pullback with H because we've had progress - now he's scared.
The book Kalni was the opener to all the hurt underneath. I'm so glad we talked about the underneath instead of the book - which is usually where it stops.
so is this really progress? I don't know. was it the usual WAS script - "things were crappy from day one and I should have known better" or is he resolved? Should i ignore what he says and look at his actions like Max says, or should I act as if we're divorced now as Kalni says?
I'm sorry. I don't know exactly what to say. I do know that you shouldn't believe the "I was never happy" line. It isn't true at all. Is he pulling out of MC as well?
What you do next is up to you and you can change it up anytime you want. If you need to pull back and lick your wounds, do it. If you think his opening up is an opportunity to keep up what you've been doing to show all you've changed, do that.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
I don't know exactly what to say. I do know that you shouldn't believe the "I was never happy" line. It isn't true at all. Is he pulling out of MC as well?