flowmom | need to commit to myself

[june72]

FM- Do NOT let fear rule you. I hear through your posts worry about your husband's reactions and how your husband perceives things. I agree 100% with CG and Gardener- you do not have to fix HIS MESS. He is a big boy who needs to learn consequences- let him really feel them. Do not rescue him or try to appease him. It is better if he really is miserable with his choice to separate.

Your children come first. His actions to put the family further in debt and disrupt your children's lives is SELFISH behavior. He can justify it all he wants, you can blame yourself if you want (not sure you have been). But this money issue is putting HIS needs above the important needs of his and your children. You can not produce more income b/c he has created a financial mess. Stand strong for your children. Do not let him bully you into trying to earn more income to support his lifestyle. Why not look him straight in the eyes and state- I know a huge way to save money...Why do you give up the apartment and move back in. Let him try to rationalize that away. And he will try.

Face your fear of him Ding you. Imagine the worst case scenario. If you can get past this fear than you are, as many have said on this site, a "dead man walking". Meaning you are like a soldier going into a battle expecting to die. You fight with no fear, you take risky actions. You fight heart and soul with confidence that you will give it your all. You run across a field of landmines b/c you know you have to, you have to do whatever it takes to try and live despite the odds. Am I making sense.

It is not true DBing and fighting for the marriage until you take the risky stands that you may fear to lead to D. If oyu DB out of fear- you will almost always fail. I hope someone can explain this better than I am b/c I am doing a poor job here...

I wish I could point you to the posts about the dead soldier walking analogies...

Don't let him push you around.

Learn this phrase... "I'm sorry you feel that way" Validate... but do not agree with him