How do you forget....how do you turn off the love?

[Cie la vie]

ThisCan'tBeTheEnd,

I just read your initial post on this thread and although our sitches have taken different paths I found many of the things that trouble you are very similiar to what troubles me.

I get stuck on what I remember and what I believed to be true, and have trouble accepting that none of that means anything to H anymore

I too am struck by the seeminlgy complete discarding of the 20+ year history of my relationship/marriage to my STBX. I just can't wrap my head around this kind of behavior/thinking.

I know what I did wrong, and I have changed from that person. I know that I could do better if given another chance.

Ditto on this as well. Yet another chance seems remote at best. It is very discouraging particularly with how much is at stake.

I do think H is having a MLC-----but maybe I'm wrong about that too.

I seesaw between believing my W is in a MLC and just being a WAW. There are strong elements of both scenarios at play. She was very decisive and blindsided me with D. I'm not sure categorizing their state changes anything. The mantra from the experts is patience is in order particularly with MLC. My D will be final long before any awakening will occur if ever. That is a tough pill to swallow.

I also fear that if I let the anger take over nothing good could ever happen and my kids would suffer.

I struggle with the same and I am determined not to become embittered, nothing good can come from it. The key thus far the key for me in controlling my emotions has been to follow the advice of so many here by focusing on myself and my kids, GALing and detaching slowly but surely. The kid factor is the monkey wrench in making the transition easier.

NC and going as dark as possible have aided me in this process. I have seen zero sign that my 180's, GALing and giving my W space have changed her mind one iota. That reality reinforces my need to detach as much as is possible and fast. The alternative is to stew in saddness and painful emotions which will only make matters worse.

Stay strong and do what is best for you in time you will begin to feel better. It has worked for me so far.

Am I beyond help????

Not even. Although you have been in a protracted sitch there is light at the end of the tunnel and yes there are many tough days ahead but you will survive and thrive in the end.