I've been piecing since the end of Nov as well. I can relate to your description of your feelings... almost exactly. I don't know how much help I can be, as I am still struggling with these feelings myself, but I will share some things I am learning. First, I am learning I cannot rescue my H from his emotions of what he has done. If seeing my emotions triggers depression, remorse, guilt, that is not my fault. It is part of his own journey through this. But, second, it is not helpful for him to see all of my emotions all of the time. If he saw how often I cycle through the hurt and anger and despair of what happened, he would be devestated. Those waves hit me still all the time. Every day. Although, I am noticing that they are slowly becoming less frequent. So, I am trying to deal with my emotions away from him most of the time. I will go for a walk or a drive or go in the bathroom for a bit to let them settle. But, when I have a new question or if something "big" comes up then I don't hide my emotions either.
I hope this is helpful. It's a long, hard road.... but hopefully worth it!
