I am begging you with all my heart to please see an attny. You don't have to tell anyone you are meeting with an attny. You don't have to commit, retain or file/sign anything but you do need information before you decide anything with your H.

I don't know how divorce works exactly in Canada but I did read a bit to get a general idea. You have some very special circumstances... you have a borderline special needs son, a H with an incurable disease, you have not worked steadily in a very long time, your H mingled his own business debt with the family finances and you and your H agreed to home school your children. That alone makes the financial situation a bit less cut and dry and one I would not speak about until you have the guidance of an attny. I know you feel it will trigger a divorce and it might but at this point you must protect yourself.

Also, you must look at the current circumstances. IIRC correctly you said you and your H own a one bedroom apartment. It sounds like the children share the bedroom and you sleep elsewhere. If that is the case why did your H need a 2 bedroom? The family never had a two bedroom yet he opted to tax the financial situation further by renting a 2 bedroom place. He essentially upgraded HIS living situation and now is relying on you to help pay for it. No.

IMO asking him what he thinks is realistic is fruitless as obviously he thought him moving to a 2 bedroom WAS realistic when clearly the finances do not allow him to do that without your help.

I understand the self employment issue. We are not paid every week or every other week like a 9-5 job. I can go months without getting paid then all of a sudden a bunch of contracts end or pay out at once. IOW, you have not established a pattern of a steady income. If you offer your H a dollar amount or he tells you what he feels you should be earning you could become locked in and that is not a place you want to be. It would not be unheard of to be granted spousal support for X amount of years for you to (A) find full time work that is steady and reliable or (B) become educated in another field.

This is why I really don't understand your DB Coach advice to affirm your H for working hard for the family. A large part of the reason he has to work so hard is because he went in to debt and now is adding further stress to you (a full time mom, full time homeschooler and very part time earner) so his desire to separate can be funded.

IMO your H has set nothing but UNreasonable expectations for a very, very long time. Why do you think NOW he will start to think reasonably and set reasonable expectations as far as finances, childcare and your earning?

This is not about getting hardcore. Clearly your H's patterns of behavior are not going to change right now. In fact, his expectations seem to be more unreasonable and more stringent and without legal advice I would not engage him further.

Your H had a very clear idea of how this will go and now that it is not going quite as smooth as he thought, well, he wants to push more burden back on you. Working hard for the family does not mean bringing in money. His hard work for the family should include dealing with his issues (much harder than earning an income) so the family can remain in tact. He has opted not to do that. Fine. But adding further strain to you is only something you can control.