flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

You put it well rr. I guess my problem is that I don't have a clear sense of what a good mix of earning and custody would be for me. I'm not feeling confident in my field due to doing very little work, and I'm not feeling confident about productivity because I have done miserably at the since the S (and have a rough history with that anyway).

The more I think about it the more I think that I just have to put the ball in H's court. "What do you want?" "What do you think is realistic?" "Can you be specific about dollar figures?". My earning is not just constrained by my procrastination issues...I have contracts that start and end, and stall etc. H basically wants me to report the minutiae to him so that he can make microdecisions based on whether his work agendas that day are more important than mine, etc. Which is not a realistic way in the long term. But if I get all hardcore about anything, I see that as an obvious trigger for D proceedings.