How do I act?

[Surviving03]

well the cruise thing is all messed up now... if i went i would have to go alone and i would not feel safe or prob have fun all by myself... i never changed the name on it to a friend cause when he first came home he said he would take me on it so that i could at least have went... and now he doesnt think its a good idea. I could go home right now, but I would have to leave my stuff behind and at this point i really dont want to do that... i stayed all this time in the first place because i thought well even if it doesnt work out, i still dont want to leave without my stuff... but we will see. its so weird, cause he has said to me several times that he doesnt want me to leave, or that he didnt say he wanted me to leave...but he isnt asking me to stay and then says things like its prob best if i leave....so..... i mean, it all is too confusing. and i feel like this is all about him getting to go on his trip to go visit OW, he is not budging on that plan and if i leave he wont have to feel guilty, but if i stay he will cause i already told him i would stay if and only if he takes me on the trip with him, which would mean he cant go see her.... but he isnt willing to do that. i can tell he is sad that i have decided to go, but at the same time, he isnt making any moves to not have it happen...so what am i supposed to do? he gives me mixed signals ALL the time....