Had a conversation with W last night after we went to the fight together. Yes we went together and it was so much fun. I'm trying not to get my hopes up just taking it a day at a time.
Last night I kissed her and she said just because you took me out and spent money on me doesn't mean your getting some.
I backed away from her and I told her that I have never tried to buy her love and I never will. I know that is what it might have looked like but it wasn't what was in my mind.
she then looked at me when I sat down and she said that I was a good man. I told her not to say that, that it isn't true. She looks at me and asks why. I said because if I was a good man you would have stayed with me. Left it at that....
She then said again that I was a good man that I always have done the right thing and have always had the right intentions. I said nothing.
She then said that she was a bad person that she was F'ed up and that she doesn't know where she is in life. That she has been messed up for a long time. I told her that Im sorry that she is feeling like that and that she is going through it alone. but that I have never wanted to change her that I never expected anything from her but love in return. That no matter what I accept her for who she is, that I am always going to be there.
It ended well...no yelling, no tears on my part. Just quiet responses and a lot of nodding.
Felt like a step in the right direction. Now what? I know that I can stay on the path and be patient. I know that my two backslides were big but it let things out that I have been bottling up. I know I am moving forward I just want to be moving for me. Not for us. I feel like if I am going to be moving forward for me ultimately the 'Us' will come along but I am trying not to make that a priority.
Getting out this entire weekend was awesome. It felt good and I have found new friends, who have been there the entire time but I just never realized it.
I honestly that I can one day post a story in the success section. I hope that you guys will continue to give me that gold like advice and encourage me to be positive and patient. I seriously have been blessed by finding this forum.
Aces.....
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
