Remember that we talk about the mirror a lot on here. While nothing IMHO makes an affair acceptable.....those are still lies. Have you stopped the behavior? Yes. The harder questions to ask yourself truthfully....have you truly made up for those lies?
Quote:
I lied about things like going out after work for drinks primarily.
If you were in her shoes...how would you take this lie?
Honestly!
I would take is that you are hiding drinking or maybe even hiding an affair. That might be how she saw this at the time...so damage done. DO I want you to dwell on it....of course not. You are making strides towards ending this behavior.
This journey is all about answering those hard questions about yourself....truthfully. The answers don't matter to us....they matter to YOU. Whether it is drinking to much, spending to much time working, lying about what you did after work....doesn't matter. Those are the demons that have to be researched, studied, and acknowledged by us for what they are.
I am not talking lip service here....I am talking about addressing and questioning oneself about the past.
Let's see...talking to OM. Well he is going to lie. Going to not admit it. Then you will tell him you are going to contact his wife. So he goes home and does one of two things;
1-Denies and says you are psycho 2-Admits to it and either goes deeper with the affair or it ends.
Option 1-Gets you no where but a really ticked off wife and has done you no good
Option 2-You get a short term feeling of good...that disappears within a few hours. Then your wife will go deeper with the affair..more hidden (up to now she has been brazen...like last week when she disappeared on her day off to return for a drink...yeah I picked that up), Or else she moves on to affair #3.
Guess what...you haven't addressed the issues nor has she...a lose/lose situation! This is MLC brother...it continues regardless of what you want. So by addressing the other people isn't going to make up for the issues or make the journey any shorter....more than likely longer.
You do what you need to....We will still be here for YOU. Just don't call me a fortune teller!
P.S....Talking to the OM's wife will get you to the same two options, just in reverse.
I don't have much to add here other than reminding you of the 24-48 hour rule. I know you are extremely upset (and rightfully so) but really, give yourself time to calm down before making any big decisions. She should be the one to leave the bed or the house, not you.
So sorry you are going through this. You have gotten some great advice.
Lost - Yes I understand that she is hurt I do. I take responsibility for my actions; however, I do have a limit like I am sure she does. I crossed her limit and was told it was over. She crossed my limit and I reacted (poorly I might add). Do I wish I could have a do over - yes but I am human. It is not easy to lie next to someone who is with another man. Do I want a D - no. Am I done - no (snoderly you were correct). I just want honesty right now.
Have I made up for those lies? I suspect in her mind I have not and I wonder if I ever will. I sat here for the first EA and took responsibility for it. I can not stand for a second or third, or fourth. Have I made major changes in my life - yes. The changes that I need to make will take time. I have a very hard time sitting here while, chatting and trying to act like everything is fine when it is not. She is apparently in LOVE with someone else.
I will not confront OM - no reason to cause more pain. I will appologize for some of my language and my attitude but I will not appologize for this affair.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I just recieved a call from the police department. She went and made a complaint against me about the verbal argument. She is now claiming that she is affraid and wants and order of protection. She was aleast honest in saying that I did not touch her.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
