Be genuine, stay away from any R, M or future talks. The ideal mindset to have is one where you accept what is, know that you'll be fine no matter which way things go, be totally accepting of whatever the outcome might be, don't be a doormat or mousy...be a mature, sensible, caring friend to her.
BINGO. Bite your tongue if you need to. NO R talk. I could absolutely repeat my H's R talk verbatim. It pushed me away just a little further every single time it was brought up. And if you read my thread - you know just how bleepin often that was.
Originally Posted By: steady
Best mindset - Come off the plane as if nothing about this sitch is affecting you. As if you've completely accepted it and are ok with it.
Don't be needy. Don't squeezer her tightly. No attempt to give her a kiss. If she makes the move to hug you or kiss you go with it and make it brief.
ABSOLUTELY..This is a time to show her the man you are...anything less than that will not be good. I know it has GOT to be eating you up - but try try try to come to peace with EITHER outcome before you get home.
Originally Posted By: steady
Then immediately focus on the kids. Feel the joy in your body towards them and let that come out completely. Let your kids feel ALL of your love - including the love you want to express to your W. Ask them what they've been up to. Tell them you missed them, you love them and you're so glad to be with them. Hug them with all the love you have.
YES!! Big positive being a good daddy. HUGE positive.
Originally Posted By: steady
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SAY ANYTHING THAT EVEN COMES CLOSE TO THE SITUATION OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
This includes having a sad face, feeling pity for yourself, longing for her to hug you or say something nice.
This is HUMONGOUS!!! No sad face. No pity. She's going to probably seem confusing to you - she's going thru her crap, too....so read NOTHING into it. Show no pity...hold it in til you're alone and cry your eyes out, if you need to...or get online and vent to us. But don't let her see it.
I take 50% of the blame for the years prior to the pursuing mode. Since I did not voice my concerns/opinions - nothing changed. I expected H to know my needs and fulfill them. That was half my fault. But since the pursuing phase began - I have completely lost all respect for my H and once someone loses respect....not much is remaining.
So remember that, if any thought of persuing enters your brain. Come to US or your friends to vent and cry. Do not persue her. I have come to really hate that p word.
