Hi all, interesting discussion. Thought I'd throw my hat into the ring.
From what I've learned in the last few months, an emotional 'need' is just like an emotional boundary. It's a requirement of how you expect people to treat you. You should be able to expect people to treat you with respect, integrity and love.
For example, as I grew up I was 'taught' that I had no right to have boundaries - emotional, mental or physical. That I was required to suppress any of my 'needs' to be cared for, listened to, or supported. Bad situation; won't get into it here. The important thing is that as I became an adult, it made me unable to ask people for any of those things, because I didn't feel a right to receive them.
This has caused huge problems in my marriage and in my relationships with others. People treat you the way you ask to be treated. And just as important, you'll treat yourself the same way you ask others to treat you. If you don't have and express your needs, how can you ever treat yourself (and ask others to) the way you ever deserve to be treated?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
