Moving on with my life #2

[Startingover2]

I think you both are right about only coming around when he is GFless. He and I actually had a 30 minute phone call about things yesterday. He called late morning to see how baby was and what we were doing. He asked again if I have heard from MGF. Nope. He started to tell me what was happening with that and how she was still flipping out. I told him I didn't want to hear it unless she was some sort of threat to baby or myself. I did ask him if he was concerned about her and what she will do..he said yes a bit and that is why he is asking.

Then from there alot of things were put on the table that have never been before. He said he is working on himself. Although I don't believe him I said it was good. He said he admits he has a 'disease' and is going to work on getting it under control. I didn't preach about getting professional help as it seems like he isn't at that point yet. He won't listen. Somehow the DUI was brought up as well. I said I didn't care if he hated me...I turned him in because I loved him and didn't want a tragedy to happen and at some point it was. He said he understood, but didn't know why I didn't do an intervetion or something! Jeez, exh we did! You didn't care. I told him the night of the DUI I was not mad at him, but had enough. I also asked him point blank what made him cheat. He said it was the alcohol. When he is sober, he knows its wrong and vows not to do it...but when drinking he feels like he needs to have validation and looks elsewhere. Again, I am not sure how much I buy of this. On my alcoholic board they have a saying 'not all alcoholics cheat, and not all cheaters are alocholics'.

Regarding baby...I did say that when he has a gf he falls off the radar and I didn't want that to happen to baby again when he gets a gf. He assured me it wont, but I know better. He said he wants to be more a part of her life. I said thats fine, BUT I will not let you disappoint her. I told him she is my life and means everything to me. He did say I was a great mom and he felt sad that I was raising her by myself. Once again..his choices. He said that as long as I let him be a part of her life he will not challenge or take her away from me at all. I almost asked for that in writing He knows I would blow him away in court. I said it all still goes if he is drinking or under the influence he cannot be around her! No exceptions. I asked him what made him fall off the radar when he was with MGF. He said for one he felt so guilty for being with her and not doing what he was supposed to and second she gave him so much crap about coming to see baby and seeing me..blah, blah, blah. Wow exh, she is a piece of work.

At the time of our conversation he was decent. I could tell he was starting to drink or whatever, but not much. By late afternoon he was much worse. It made me so sad. He is sooooo sick and I really realized it from a nonemotional state. It used to anger me so much when he was drinking, now I just wanted to cry. Its incredibly sad the power this has over him. I know he has a choice to get help and hes not, but it has really taken him over. I haven't communicated with him much while he was drinking since he left, but hearing it made me feel so bad. It also made me vow that it will not hurt baby.

Wednesday is baby's birthday. So excited. Going to be a great week. I love her so much and she is my reason to keep my backbone!