She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

Don't tell her about the changes you've made, show her by your actions.

She's going to hold onto the past. How else do you think she can justify what she is doing? My W is doing the same thing. But as my therapist once told me - when time passes and the 'past' (which she's rewritten so much of it) becomes a fading memory for her, she will look back and wonder what was so bad that she had to break up her family. Whether this will happen or not I don't know. What I do know is it's becoming less and less important to me for her to do that.

Don't try to correct her 'recollection' of the past and what happened. Of course you have a list of your own about changes she must make. Right now she's only focused on you and looking for any 'mistakes' you make to reinforce her decision. My W didn't really acknowledge the positive changes I made. She still looks at me and in her mind only 'sees' how I used to be. Again, she needs to do this in order to do what she is doing. She can't 'see' or seriously acknowledge me in the present.

Don't expect your W to put much stock in your positive changes. Of course she will minimize it saying it's too late, etc... That's also her reinforcing her position. What would happen if she was to seriously acknowledge your positive changes? She would have to sit there and ask herself why she is leaving a man who is treating her the way she wants to be treated.

And you are totally right - she drew a boundary she needed and you didn't respect that. In the future don't do this. But you already know that.

If you see anything from her that seems like an indication things are heading in a 'positive' direction just look at it as an event in your life. Don't put any stock in it and keep acting as you are. She will be all over the map sending all kinds of mixed signals. This is just a reflection of what's going on inside her. If you react to the positive and negative signals you will have jumped on her roller coaster for a ride up and down. As Mike from Tennessee used to say - stay off the coaster and wave to her as she goes up and down. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.

Just be upbeat and positive whenever you're around her. Express any emotions - anger, frustration, jealousy, etc.. here on the boards.

All the things you've listed above happened to me also. It's a script they run. I can't tell you how many times I've heard some crazy shite coming from her mouth. We talked, and she would say we are arguing, and it wasn't normal relationship to have 'all' that arguing; my friends don't treat me like this; my friends all have 'wonderful' marriages (forgetting not long ago she listed how her friends were not too happy with their husbands)...etc.

Work on your mindset. It isn't the end of the world no matter which way your sitch goes. Don't believe anything that exits her mouth. She will say all kinds of things.

Keep the focus on you and your kids. Keep your focus off her and what she is/isn't, should/shouldn't be doing or saying.

If you read through my sitch you will see all of the things you listed above in there. I used to say it's like my W has been possessed and she is but a shadow of the woman I married.

Hang in there. Work you a$$ off on your mindset. You need to get it straight.