First off, let me say that I am extremely happy to be posting here on the piecing thread. Our marriage has been good and getting better each day since we got back together this past November. My W has been woderful since recommitting herself to me.
So what is my battle you ask? I want to overcome the emotions that ripple through me from time to time. I get angry at times, the 'How could she do that to me?' sort of anger. I get anxious at times, the 'Is she unhappy with me?' sort of anxiety. They don't come all the time, but they filter into my mind more often than I would like to admit. I understand that these are normal, but I am searching for the best way to overcome them and continue to strengthen my marriage at the same time. So I guess the new battle is with my own mind.
So why now? Well, my W and I finally opened up about her affair this past Friday. I decided that going without knowing some of the specifics of her affair was hindering my ability to be completely open with her, so I asked her the specifics. She was completely open and she filled in the holes that I had suspensions about. Most of my suspicions were confirmed, including a trip she took with the OM when we were separated. It felt good at the time that we were completely open about things at the time. I was not surprised about anything I heard (everything fit). However, it also confirmed that she had outright lied to me in the past. So now the suspicions are gone, which is good.
She tells me that they never had a sexual affair; although it was definitley intimate. I believe it, she returned from her trip with him wanting to reconcile with me. And she told me that the trip was extremely uncomfortable for her. She said he had thought of the trip as a "The beginning" for them. But what it did was confirm to her that she missed me and our family. It was a "New beginning" for us.
Anyway, she has been great since we have gotten back together. And as long as I can keep my mind in the present things are great. But, my mind likes to meander to the past where it sometimes dwells. That is when the negative emotions begin.
If I have a single question, it is does anyone have any tips that help lessen the frequency of times that these thoughts occur? Also, should I let my W know that I have these negative emotions more often than I would like to admit. It is obviously painful to her to know that I have them. She is very regretful for what she has done and the last time I mentioned that I was struggling with them; it triggered a depressive episode (she suffers from depression). So for now, I am treating this as the personal battle for which it is.
