I'm not sure you were kidding yourself. It's possible that you got what you were looking for, and realized it's not what you want. You've had two relationships since your divorce (if I got that right), and it may well be that part of you wanted something "lighter" this time around, with fewer strings, or something like that. You said your two previous relationships weren't really emotional. Perhaps you sensed that this relationship had an element of safety in that this man perhaps had an emotional investment elsewhere. And so you might get a little emotion, but not the full deal with all its ties and responsibilities? It's easier to end a relationship when you know the guy already has another involvement of some kind.
Though you might want to be in DQ's situation, there's also the process of getting to that place. How do you feel about dating someone who has nobody else, but sees you as the person they want to spend their life with? Would it scare you if you didn't really feel that excited about him, but he was excited about you? And you knew that if you turned him down he'd be deeply disappointed and feel like he had nowhere else to turn?
You may disagree with my line of questioning, but I think DQ would agree with me that anybody who allows herself to be pursued by a married man to the extent that you have, without asking more questions right up front, is not really yet in that "healthy" place that you and DQ seem to be talking about. And it's often not a case of "not knowing". Rather, it's a case of feeling comfortable with the wrong things and uncomfortable with the right things.
