Do you have any other childcare besides you and H?
I'm starting to think all discussions about R and finances need to take place outside the house in public in a neutral location at coffee house or wherever away from kids for two hours with babysitter. This will help alleviate your fear and kids won't be subject to the tension. It also helps shore up your position that these talks be pre-scheduled.
I hear your fear, but it's never been physical, thus it doesn't matter if he screams and yells and throws a tantrum. Work on being the person that that kind of behavior doesn't get to. His loud voice is just his stress. You still can't make any final decisions during this conversation if he tantrums or not. And you will have to hear his viewpoint in person or by email at some point.
