Statement with your life: "I am prepared to be clean and sober, a good husband and father until I breathe my last. Therefore, I am claiming my place in the family home."
That statement.
I'm predicting that she is of the mind and will say to you that you have no right to just move back in while she's not looking. To that, you make your statement.
See? Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Aaaaargg. This is getting hard. So lets say I do move in. How do I make it known I have moved back? Hey guess what....
About OM. Based on the texts, pics I have seen I have no doubt it is at very least an EA, I hope not PA yet, but who knows... I would like to put a stop to that as soon as possible, but I know she will just lie to me. She has proved that she can look me straight in the eyes and lie. If I am to really expose her I need some sort of concret evidence, which will be hard. I dont have access to her email(work mail), and she has changed her FB password. She gaurds her phone very closely (when i was still in the house, she wouls even take it to the Bath room when she showered) She has a new BBerry now and that is password protected too so my options have become somewhat limited.
Just another thought: SHould I enforce the no OM boundry, without refering to anyone specific, just so that she knows I wont tolerate it. Or will that just make her raise her gaurd even more. She already knows I suspect her so I dont know if it will make a difference.
Oh, I really dont want to be pushy or sound ungrateful, but please can you look at all the posts I have made since you last replied to me, and try give me advice on them. Greek, Puppy. You guys have given me advice that I would pay good money for so I appreciate all the advice I can get.
No, that was a decision I made for myself, to save my life. Anybody who has suffered with addiction will tell you: The only way you will truly have any chance of beating an addiction, is when you are the one making the decision to do it. You cant make that decision because of any one else, or you will fail. It just unfortunately coincided with the dropping of the proverbial bomb. I am sure it did contribute to her decision, but the final straw was the rumour of of me and the 17yr old school girl kissing in the Gym
Aaaaargg. This is getting hard. So lets say I do move in. How do I make it known I have moved back? Hey guess what....
You move back in while she's gone, and when she comes back, she finds you there. She says, "WTF are you doing?", and you say, "I decided this is my home too, and I'm more comfortable here. Since I'm not the one wanting to end the marriage, there really wasn't any reason why I should be the one to leave." If she says "But I can't LIVE with you!" just say "I understand. If you want to leave, that's up to you, but you're certainly more than welcome to stay here."
Thanks Puppy I am thinking of putting everything I feel, and want to communicate to her (boundries, moving, back, OM etc.) in an email and telling her we can discuss all of these things when she gets back from her trip. I am not very good at communicating verbally and the point I am trying to make usually doesnt get across clearly. I will send towards the end of her trip, so she doesnt sit stewing the whole time she is away.
Again, any advice on boundries on OM? Set boundry with out bieng specific. Or hold off till I get more proof?
Thanks Puppy I am thinking of putting everything I feel, and want to communicate to her (boundries, moving, back, OM etc.) in an email and telling her we can discuss all of these things when she gets back from her trip. I am not very good at communicating verbally and the point I am trying to make usually doesnt get across clearly. I will send towards the end of her trip, so she doesnt sit stewing the whole time she is away.
You've got it EXACTLY BACKWARDS, Greg.
The moving back in, you just DO. You're trying to e-mail her ahead of time, so soften the blow, out of fear for her reaction, but you've got to just DO this. Brother, about the one GOOD thing you get out of such a move is her RESPECT for your STRENGTH; if you convey weakness by e-mailing her about it, you're going to get all of the blowback, with none of the respect, and it's not worth it.
As for the timing on the boundary, you WANT her stewing the whole time she is away, if you think she is there with OM (and I believe she is) -- infidelitus interruptus. That's the whole point!
