Nicole- my H was behaving the same exact way. I think it is mostly A related..compounded with some depression perhaps. He is projecting guilt and blame on you right now because he doesn't know how else to handle it. I definitely suspect he is still carrying on with OW...and I suspect this because I am fairly confident that my H has completely ended things with OW..and the anger and irritable have subsided quite a bit...and quite suddenly. Depression is still there...but the blank..distant..angry look in his eyes have softened. You may see the same change when the OW is out of the picture.
Try to keep above all of this. It is so difficult sometimes to keep taking these 'punches' to the gut and not want to throw one back. I think it is human nature to want to protect ourselves and fight back. But it really is fruitless. You will only feel good temporarily. In the midst of his immaturity...show him what a mature adult is all about. Do not have relationship talks with him right now..he does not want to hear anything and therefore will not really hear you. You will tire yourself out..I know I have..and not in a good way.
If you need to spend time with him..let him bring up conversation..see what he wants to discuss. I know from past experiences..the R talks always take the encounter SOUTH..and fairly quickly. As I mentioned in my post last night..H and I had a very long R discussion last night...it appears that he is now ready. As much as you want it or force these discussions..they will not happen until he is ready. Unfortunately. Limbo sux. But try not to freak out too much... Don't be impulsive (learn from my impulsive behavior)...really try to be patient
Just like your feelings change every day..sometimes every hour..(mine sometimes by the minute ;))...I am sure our H feelings change as well. He may say something today that leads you to believe that the whole situation is helpless and your attempts to reconcile are useless. Tomorrow he may express something completely different. You cannot control his fluctuating feelings....
