Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Yes, I've know I need to drop the rope but it's so damn tough to do for the woman I love and want so much to be with again...my soul mate. I know things could change in time but right now she is determined to D. Like she told me two weeks ago that I need to let her go and she doesn't want to reconcile and she knows that I do. That's so tough to hear from the woman I have spent 19 years with. I know the things I did to make her leave. I know I brought this on myself. I wasn't happy being the person I was and that's why I am trying so hard to do the right things now.

Sorry to sound weak. I'm really just this way here as it's a good place to vent sometimes. I do remain strong in front of my W. I really need to do a better job of not controlling her. I know she will call me tomorrow about the house. She made sure to enjoy her weekend and not deal with it or me until Monday. I get it and hear her loud and clear. So now when I don't take her call and ignore her for days this week she will feel that I am playing games and purposely trying to get back at her. That's what's confusing to me about her pursuing. Is that her pursuing or just her trying to contact me about the house. If not for the house she would have no reason to call me. I know her...she will just see it as me playing games and see right threw it. She will think that it's the same old me. Anyway, I'll try it.

Thanks again for the help. I'm just feeling down this weekend because I keep thinking of all of the things I am missing out on sharing with my W.