I'm done. She can have the house the 401K. Everything. Fu*k her I'm done. Her and ON can choke on it.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, you are not done...your journey has just really taken off. As for the comments she made to you, I'm not surprised by them at all. They are all typical of what is going through the mind of someone in depression and a crisis. You have to remember that she sees life in a very warped way than we do.
Why in heaven's name would you want her to have everything. Why would you hand over everything that you have worked so hard for? No, you do not do that.....you both are entitled to half of everything and as for the OM, screw him. Do not hand everything over to her on a silver platter....this may very well be what she's hoping that you will do.
Take a walk. beat the crap out of a pillow, do something constructive w/that anger, but do not hand over everything to her. Breathe!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I can only imagine your pain, I too feel the pain of what is happening to us...and the ones we were once so happy and in love with...
But they are NOT WHO THEY ONCE WERE, she is LOST, remember.... she is twisting in the wind, has no idea what is happening within her...so she is running trying ANYTHING to make the pain go away...
and unfortunately WE are the ones that get the brunt of it because we are closest to them.
Have compassion for her. Look at her as though she were one of your children, with something going on within them you can do nothing about, you hurt so badly for them, you pray for them but you can not fix it, just have compassion and love her from afar.
Today you may feel done, but don't give up. We have all had days like that. Pick yourself up and don't do anything rash - remember the 24-48 hour rule. Breathe. Focus (but not on her!).
Eric, I have been "done" many times, that's when my anger and frustration takes over. The more I detach (lovingly) the less of the "F***k you I'm done" feelings I have. Try not to take anything she does personally. Take a deep breath, count to a million go punch a pillow...you get the idea
Hang in there. It will get better
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I am sorry but I really cannot continue to sleep in the same bed with someone who texting another man about "wipping away her wetness"....and "I love you" and "I am so happy you are in my life" - "you look so handsome today"...I am sorry but I have morals and standards. I tried to confront the last time and wanted the truth I recieved lies again. She is in a MLC - this I accept. What I cannot accept are the continue lies. I cannot accept that you come home late from work while I do everything in house. If another man were not involved I would be more apt to stick it out. This is the second affair and quite frankly she does not appear to be trying to work on her issues. I am simply a wallet right now. I am enabling her actions and she pretty much mocks me. Sometime enough is enough...She does not want this M - fine - then she can do what she needs to do. The confrontation was not pleasent this morning. I probably broke every DB rule in the book. Here is how it started...
At 4:30 AM, while she is getting ready to leave for work or probably go visit her OM.....
W - Eric I heard you last night M - You heard what me crying.
W - Yes - is your grandmother okay M - Why do you care
W - Why did you move out D from the bed M - Why don't you call Al and ask him
W - I told you nothing is going on. With a smirk... M - NO you can tell him that you want to wipe your wetness...that is what you can tell him. I am tired of your lies. You have lied to me again
W - Just like you did M - Go away justify your F*cking action why don't you.
W - Their you go getting pysco. You need to move your stuff out of the bed room M - No you need to move your stuff
W - You know you need to leave now M - No you need to leave
W - I told you it was over...I only had dinner with him M - You are a f*cking whore and a liar.
W - F up M - You are a liar - how about I call his wife right now - oh and call your job as well.
A very bad confrontation but I am done. I cannot do this no more. I cannot sit back while she is off with someone else. Do I love her - yes I do. Can this be repaired - yes it can. Do I believe it can be repaired with someone else in picture - no I do not. Do we need time away from each other - yes. Do I hurt - Yep - will I heal - Yep. I suspect a few 2x4's but I believe I had to confront I cannot keep sitting here and acting like everything is fine. So when she returns here will be my statement.
I have decided that I want a life without lies. I owe it to myself and my kids to not only live it but teach it to them. I will teach my kids honor, respect, truth and morals.
The recent lies that have been told are not benefical to the life I want to live and the example that I want to give my children.
As I promised I will not file for a D but I will defend myself if it is presented to me.
All - I do not plan to leave the house. I am tired of this. If she wants to destroy the family then thier is nothing that I can do to stop it but I will not sleep in the same bed with someone who claims to love another man. I am sorry.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
It was pretty bad OP - but you know what it was just a little too much for me. I could not keep sitting here with her texting and call her boyfriend. At some point enough is enough. Is she ill - yes. Will she come out of it - who knows. At this point she and I need some space and distance between us. I may offer to pay to set up an appt for her. I suspect thought that she will contact a L and go after me for everything. I will leave this in God's hand. I use to believe that he staying was the best for everyone and maybe it is best for the kids but I could not allow for this A to continue on with me sitting by and enabling it. I am still heated.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I am sorry but I really cannot continue to sleep in the same bed with someone who texting another man about "wipping away her wetness"....and "I love you" and "I am so happy you are in my life" - "you look so handsome today"...I am sorry but I have morals and standards.
Hey Eric,
You're not going to get any 2x4's from me for this. I don't feel you need to apologize for it either. This is your boundary. Period. MLC or not, I wouldn't and didn't share my bed either. My ex knew this, that's why she split so soon.
If this is your boundary, I can't tell you how important it is to stick with it. NO WAIVERING. Her words don't mean a helluva lot at this point, and I agree, as long as there is an OM, there is no working on your marriage.
Your interaction with her could have been better.
Be strong, confident, and be respectful. Do those for you. Try your best not to show her ANY negative emotions, she will feed off of them. You're going to have your moments, I get that. Just DO NOT let her see them. No more F' you's or F offs, or anything else like that. Be better than that.
You're correct, if you believe things can be fixed, then they can. She has to want it though. You can't make her want it, all you can do is focus on you.
Cursing, finger pointing, and getting into it with her aren't going to help. Be above all that, don't play her game.
