Saturday when STBXW came by to drop her off it was pretty rough. DD didn't want to let go of her and STBXW kept prolonging it. The whole episode took almost 20 mins until I finally said to her to just go and she'll be OK! I picked DD up as STBXW left and then DD started wailing. It was really hard for both me and DD but within 5 mins I had her stop crying and laughing again.
SR, some believe that what children need in situations like this is to have the "baton" of attachment passed from one caregiver to the other. Ideally there would be some kind of set overlap (15 min) where you and STBX are both with your D, and having casual interactions. She is still pretty young and needs the signals that the transition is OK.
Also, it would be good to have some kind of routine that you have with your D that you do every time she comes to your place - like snuggling together under a special blanket in a comfy chair, or reading from a chapter book or wrestling or whatever. The routine will help to establish feelings of security. With the tickling and distraction...you need to strike a balance there. Make space for her to express her sadness and the pain of the confusion, while drawing her into positive feelings and experiences. When she is feeling sad, you can help her with writing a letter to your W, drawing her a picture, etc.
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
Since then I'm exhausted just trying to spend every min with her, she follows me around and I can't really do anything else but tend to her.
My special needs 6 yo has an excessive need for attention so sometimes I deal with it by setting a timer: 10 min of doing adult stuff, 10 min of spending time with my kids, alternating indefinitely. It works really well because they don't feel starved for attention and I don't feel desperate to get stuff done.
Do you have outings planned? You mentioned wanting to camp with her. Sometimes H and I have gone "camping" with the kids and just set up a tent and made a fire and cooked lunch over it (don't forget the marshmallows). No need to stay overnight. Just really fun.
And at home, do you have an awesome craft area set up for her? Paper, markers, scissors, glue, stickers, paper punches, stamps and stamp pads, recycling materials, dollar store gems and glitter. Girls can usually keep pretty busy with this kind of thing for quite a while ;), esp if you are partially available.
What about shopping and preparing a meal together? Pizza with homemade dough. Very fun and doable with a 6 yo.
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
Yesterday, whe also said "I wish mommy still lived with us daddy". I just tell her "I know sweetie, it's OK though because daddy's here and we'll play and have lots of fun together".
What about "I know sweetie, you miss having her live here". You don't want her to feel that she has to be "OK" for you even if she doesn't feel OK.
I strongly recommend this super fast and easy read:
Your library definitely has it and it will help you tweak your communication with your D.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
