Robox thanks. All very good points. I am listening to all of the advice given to me. It is very much appreciated as I try to save my M.
Couple of questions. When you say to be masculine to be attractive, I feel like I'm doing this by taking care of things with the house. Also, I feel like I am doing all of the things you say she needs to be challenged. I believe I am taking charge with the responsibilities. I haven't asked her for anything nor have I complained to her that she is doing nothing. It's confusing to me when you say that she wants to pursue. My question is how do I balance that? In other words, I don't want to appear that I am ignoring her when I don't answer her calls, yet I feel like I need to not be too available to her so she can pursue me. Is there a difference? Should I care if it upsets my W?
I continue to receive good advice here and I want to make sure I understand everything correctly.
The fact that she is going off her emotions, how do I change those emotions? I know to do what has been advised to me here but is there anything else or do I just need to wait it out? I'm worried that she will enjoy the new distance between us and then nothing I do will matter the longer we don't try to go to C. I am secure enough to admit that her and I should only talk about M with C as I am not always perfect responding to her emotions one on one right now.
Read your response to mine, I quoted it above. You sound so damn unsure of yourself, you sound weak, insecure, uncertain, etc. This is also the person that she is no longer attracted to, how could she be, what is attractive in any of these traits. You can't lead yourself let alone her, you aren't confident about yourself or what to do in your situation, you sound weak, insecure, scared, lonely, sad and your wife isn't going to be attracted to any of this.
I get it. This is all very unsettling, your world has been turned upside down like a big old box full of bits & pieces of junk that's been sitting in the garage for years and someone just grabbed it, turned it upside and poured out a big old mess and you don't know where to start and your first question is why did someone do this me? In the end, you're going to see that you did it to yourself, not now, it's too soon for that but several months or a year from now hopefully you will see why this happened and that it was actually a good thing, it's an opportunity for you to experience growth that very few people will get to experience - that is of course if you're up to the challenge.
When I say be masculine to be attractive (or something like that, that can't be a direct quote), I mean be a MAN. You know the funny thing, a couple of years ago when this all happened to me, if someone had said to me "BE A MAN!" I would have had a blank look on my face and asked "what do you mean? I was born a male?!"
Be a man. Do the research. Google it, find out what it means to be a man, a real man and not this person that you are right now.
Taking care of things with the house doesn't make you a man, anyone can own a home, so that's not it.
What responsibilities are you taking charge with that make you a man? Paying the bills? Anyone can do that, so that's not it either.
You haven't asked for anything, well that's a double edged sword, maybe that's part of the problem, you're not aggressive or assertive enough, when I want something, I sure as hell ask for it if I can't do it or make it myself. I get what I want in my life now, I make it happen, I don't wait for someone to put it neatly in my lap after being a good boy and getting rewarded. I reward myself by doing it myself, making it happen for me when I want it to happen. I just do it!
What confuses you about her wanting to pursue? That's weird that you don't understand that. If she doesn't want you anymore, don't you think she's pursuing something else?
Forget about balance right now, you're at one end of the spectrum, you need to experience the other end of the spectrum and then you can choose when to scale back and find "balance".
Don't answer her calls or answer them, it's up to you, do it because you want to do it but don't do it because you're afraid it will make her angry, that's definitely not masculine or manly to be afraid of someone's response.
You can't directly change her emotions, you can influence them a little. Currently she's against you because you're against her feelings/emotions, throw her a curve ball, agree with all of her emotions/feelings. She expects you to fight against all of this, go along with it willingly with a huge confident smile on your face.
As for her enjoying the distance between you too, yes I'm sure she is, maybe you should too ;-)
