Looking for help with WAW

[sandi2]

I'm not sure what else to tell you. You are still trying to control her life. Trying to get her to move into the house instead of an apartment is an example.

I can't believe she would rather move into a small apartment by herself instead of moving back into our house with the dogs.

She knows what you are doing! If "I" can see it.....she certainly does.

You don't like the fact that she hasn't helped with the house improvements, but what really bugs you is that you hoped that would be a reason to spend time together and it didn't work out like that.

Everything you say you wonder if it will effect her actions and then you are disappointed when it doesn't. You have to stop living like that.

She wants to live apart from you. She does not want any connections with you. If she moved back into the house, there would be a connection. You know that. You wanted to use that as a " life-line" to her.

So I guess I shouldn't even mention the C in a nice way?

No. Stop trying to get her to go to C! She does not want it and you keep trying to get her to go. You are trying to control her. Stop it. Leave her alone.

I'm glad you are making changes in yourself but this is one area you don't seem to see clearly. Being strong & attractive does not go hand in hand with "controlling" her life. Let her make decisions without you trying to influence her. You are afraid of her decisions and I'm sure it shows. Her freedom & independence is so important to her right now.

How can I challenge her?

You have been told, but it was not what you wanted to hear. You are not happy if you are not activily involved with her, but the secret is to be unavailable. You are too afraid to do that. You need to go dark and give her independence. In the meantime, you need to move forward with getting a more interesting life for yourself. Stop acting like a victim and start living life. Get involved in something outside of fixing the house.