My only caution is that this WILL NOT WORK FOR MLC. As long as you are sure that this is a WAS then you are correct. However the confusion factor is the key for MLC, if it is MLC then you will probably be getting a DIVORCE with these tactics.
Is that the theory or are there some situations you can point to. I don't really watch the MLC forum, so I don't know.
I do recall one guy in Newcomers who got jolted out of his year and a half MLC when his wife got herself a man.
"My only caution is that this WILL NOT WORK FOR MLC. As long as you are sure that this is a WAS then you are correct. However the confusion factor is the key for MLC, if it is MLC then you will probably be getting a DIVORCE with these tactics."
That's not entirely true. I've personally seen cases where the MLC person "snaps out of it" and goes back to their spouse who was the more passive one. There are also several sites that deal exclusively with MLC that have members describing that when they came out of the MLC fog, they were happy that their LBS remained stable and unchanging because the MLC person is so confused.
Once the fantasy is over (if it is one in their mind) they look for some kind of stability. And in some cases the LBS is able to be that stability.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
There are also several sites that deal exclusively with MLC that have members describing that when they came out of the MLC fog, they were happy that their LBS remained stable and unchanging because the MLC person is so confused.
Once the fantasy is over (if it is one in their mind) they look for some kind of stability. And in some cases the LBS is able to be that stability.
I see nothing wrong with this its basic DB'ing. However I see this as highly unlikely
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the MLC person "snaps out of it
It could happen if the timing is right and the person was ending their crisis but to think that someone just entering MLC is going to snap out of it seems unlikely to me.
Look at the science of this. The MLC'er has their hormones out of wack, they don't just magically snap back into place based on something that the LBS does or says. There are no tricks!
What is Virginia saying
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I just want to jump in here and remind you all that Divorce Busting is not a 'one size fits all' philosophy.
I agree with this! What works in one situation may not work in every sich.
My only point in my original post was to throw some caution to this thread. I think I have done that I will now sit back and watch, listen, and be quiet!
BlownAway, You are probably not going thru MLC but maybe male menopause!
I agree. More specifically, Andropause. I was two years ago, Thyroid and testosterone had plummeted. Since almost day one with natural treatment (bio-identical topical testosterone and natural Thyroid pills). I was back! Important to find a doctor who believes in "optimal" levels, not "normal reference ranges". IOW, if I'm in an age group that historically has low ranges/levels, why would I want to be raised to - or maintained at - the "normal" depleted ranges for my age?
Optimize. Find a doctor that looks to optimize levels to 30-year-old ranges.
Getting off my soapbox, now.
p.s. OldPilot: Why you callin' yourself "old" at 56? Other people who are 56 might take exception to that
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
"Look at the science of this. The MLC'er has their hormones out of wack, they don't just magically snap back into place based on something that the LBS does or says."
When I mentioned that they "snap out of it" I didn't mean that it was an immediate response. It is usually a culmination of positive experiences with the LBS and negative experiences on their own that pushes their decision to a certain threshold. Once that threshold is reached, then they become clearer in their thinking. Look at some of the people who have successfully DB'd. Their spouses all say that they reached a "what the hell was I thinking" point before turning around.
In terms of things being strictly hormonal, there is no scientific evidence that it's what causes a person to go into MLC. In fact, MLC isn't even recognized as a disease or syndrome. It boils down to the person's coping mechanisms. If they have good coping mechanisms to deal with stressful situations they are able to navigate through life's challenges without any problems. They are even able to recognize when they are acting erratically if there are biological problems (mood swings, hormonal imbalance, etc.)
That's why they have the feeling of running away or getting rid of the old and in with the new. "They" can't see a solution to what they're feeling, so they don't think a solution exists. Of course they don't try, but they're driven by feelings and nothing else.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
p.s. OldPilot: Why you callin' yourself "old" at 56? Other people who are 56 might take exception to that wink
G sorry you take exception to that but take a look around here, how many people are older than you and me. There are a few. Not many though. This was a reference more to when I was a pilot. Not my age.
Sorry for butting in. I think it doesn't matter how you call it, MLC or what, you need to look at what a person is unhappy about. It is important to remember who is a woman and who is a man. This is such a crap, a man wants all the support he can get from a woman (look at all these EAs and female friends), yet he is accusing his wife of abusing him financially. The same goes for a woman, rubbing your man with how independent you are and how much you are making instead of providing emotional support will backfire.
I've personally seen cases where the MLC person "snaps out of it" and goes back to their spouse who was the more passive one. There are also several sites that deal exclusively with MLC that have members describing that when they came out of the MLC fog, they were happy that their LBS remained stable and unchanging because the MLC person is so confused.
Once the fantasy is over (if it is one in their mind) they look for some kind of stability. And in some cases the LBS is able to be that stability.
Look up happy_again's posts in this forum. He was a WAH/MLC guy who eventually reconciled with his DBing, saintly, patient, Bo Peep wife! Very interesting to read from his POV.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
