I had the opportunity to see my W b4 she lkeft for work and surprisingly she WAS wearing her ring. I cannot remember the last time she wore her ring to work.
A friend of mine said to me and I cannot remember the exact word but it made sense Its like kindling a fire, you start with small stuff twigs, branches ect to get the fire going but when the fire starts going you toss bigger logs on and smother the flames and eventually the fire dies.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
My W just returned home from work early. She said she was not feeling well.
Shortly after she gets home my friend calls me to say someone at work was talking to her and my wife expressed how upset she was because she just found out that I have "eyes" watching her and reporting back to me everything she does...not sure who said this to her.
My wife has not brought this to my attention and I am not bringing it up to her because then she will know someone called and told me...not sure what 2 do
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
You don't need to do anything, OIN. If and when she brings it up, tell her the truth, that you never asked anyone to "report back to you" (IS that true?), but a few people had contacted you, yes, because "they were concerned about you, and concerned about me."
I'm sorry, but this is probably why she wore her ring to work.
The problem is what your wife wanted THEN isn't what may help now.
This is what is so crazy about the WAS and why it's very hard (I think) for the LBS. Everything has changed by the time she is ready to walk. Everything! That is why most women say, "too little, too late". So many men can't seem to get that she is "done" with all of it. He has to treat her like she is "not" his W or any romantic interest. He needs to treat her like a business associate until things begin to heal.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
OIN, stop worrying about the ring, its a good sign that she's trying, but she's experiencing a lot of mood shifts. Her emotions are influx, its NORMAL for her to wear the ring one day and not wear it the next...
Find the FT, that's the key thing here right now I think.
Here is why I bring up the ring. In the DR book I was told to set small obtainable goals and they should be geared in the sense of "what would my W be doing that would give me sign things are getting better" (not exact). If she wore her ring more often or at all that would be a sign, to me, that things are improving. And here is why I say that...
Before I discovered the DR book and this forum I was in my pressure and pursuit phase. during the first few weeks my wife still wore her ring and then one day she stopped. After a few days of her not wearing her ring I asked her "Why don't you wear your ring anymore" and she replied "Because I am not happy with our situation right now and until I am I can't wear the ring" so I remembered this when it came time to goal setting. That for her to wear the ring would suggest that she is more comfortable with our situation which was ultimately a sign of things might be getting better.
I am just taking the small positives and posting the progress in our R/M. I am treating the forums as a journal of some sort and in this case it is public and enables feed back which I am grateful for.
What does FT stand for?
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
After speaking with my friend again a shirt time ago he said another co-worker of theirs (female) went up to talk to her this morning and my W said she want not in a good mood because someone had just told her that her husband had eyes watching and is reporting things back to him (me). My W then proceeded to say "I am done with my marriage" shortly after that. My wife left work early and came home and had said nothing to me. I ledt her alone and did a great amount of work around the home at one point she awoke from her sleep and asked what I was doing, I simply replied "cleaning" and then she asked "why are you giving me an attitude?"(I had no attitude) very little has been said since then and she is keeping her distance.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
