WAW and me in 11th hour!!!!

[Ken62]

Create more positive experiences together. Connect with her on a emotional level. Be confident, steady and aware.

Be prepared for push back once she feels comfortable again. She needs to know you can stand up to her doubts and fears. She wants you to be dependable, solid, in control, strong and wise. She has doubts and needs you to lead. Make sense?

Coack, sandi2, robx, Greek et. al. and anyone else:

RED ALERT! RED ALERT! Major change of plans for W.

Yesterday W tells me that when her lease is up in June (right around the time the D becomes final) she is planning on going back home (1000 miles away) for the summer to be closer to MIL and FIL because they are getting older and she wants to spend time with them. She also wants to spend time with her young nieces and nephews and she also mentioned that she needs to find out about the R with the 2nd EA (which evidently is still going on). She has only committed to the summer for right now but that could also change.

As such this doesn’t really change my plans because I was looking at these next three months as the time that I would try to do what Coach suggested above so that when she does leave she leaves with nothing but positive memories.

In my opinion she seems to be running away from her life here and going back to a group that will support her without questioning her because she feels that everyone in our circle of friends is “judging her”. This also is quite the change of plans from our conversation this past Monday so she is definitely “all over the place” and not really thinking things through. It seems to be VERY reactionary and very spur of the moment. She possibly won’t have any means of income while she is there and mentioned that she might explore school. She told her Mom who was thrilled and said “my baby’s coming home!” and cried which I’m sure made W very happy. I’m sure OM is very happy as well but he seems to be pushing awfully hard for the R and he keeps telling her that she is the love of his life and she has to constantly slow him down and tell him that she is taking things one day at a time. He seems to have her a quite a pedestal and I’m sure right now that it is very appealing to W but I would hope once the “honeymoon phase” wears off the this becomes annoying but who knows.

As far as I know she is still not getting any counseling and she will be leaving her life coach and financial planner but she does have a “big check” to live off of but who knows how long it will last. She is also trying to give her and D20 some space. She talked about how she wishes that she could say something to get D20 to see her side and “fix this”. But I told her to think of it that W is me and D20 is W. No matter how much she wants to fix the R with D20 she can’t because it is up to D20 just like I wish I could fix our R but it is something that I can not fix and it is all up to W. W said that this observation was very insightful so I could at least take pride in that.

Any suggestions going forward? I don’t want to come across as desperate or pursuing but I also want to make sure that this next three months is a VERY positive one for my W and me. I don’t think that going dark is the right thing to do anymore after my talk with my DB coach Chuck. I’m also wondering if finding out about my lady friend or my reluctance to be W’s friend was a catalyst for any of this.

Is W playing me? Is she trying to get a reaction? I really think that she will go through with this so I can’t see what kind of reaction she would be going for. I really think that this is one of those half baked ideas like leaving the marriage without thinking about all the consequences.

All help welcome!

Thanks,

Ken