I do have to work with the OM yes, he was a colleague that became a close friend in fact. I suspect they were having EA for about 3 months before the split. Both deny any thoughts about it or any PA prior to the bomb. When I introduced them at a work function I noticed the spark, but was pleased that the W was making new friends as she had been saying that she had lost so many when the take-over at her workplace decimated her close circle there. The OM had an extensive history of manipulative behaviour - has indeed wrecked 2 previous marriages (I have since found this out - would've thought twice about introducing them or encouraging their friendship if I'd known, but I was in a new city, keen to make friends etc). He was single - although only v recently - at Christmas he was at our house crying on the kitchen table about his last gf who had allegedly been The One and broken his heart. Both the WAW and the OM have modus operandi of jumping straight out of one relationship into the next. The only one where that didn't happen was the WAW and me. Previously she's had 3yr relationships which have generally ended when she started having an affair at the point she felt the relationship was over. I know she always regretted not ending things before that happened, and maybe she ended our marriage as an attempt to correct that behaviour in some way.

My/the OM workplace know as I needed to have time off work to cope. Needless to say everyone must remain professional (as docs in the ER it really is a matter of life and death), although I know my closer colleagues are disgusted by his behaviour privately. I have also heard that his hope of a permanent consultant position may now be in jeapordy as the previous marriages he wrecked also significantly impacted on working relationships in the dept and no-one wants to hire that! I also exposed the W to her family the day after I found out - about which she was understandably incredibly angry. But after we got married they're my family too so I don't feel unjustified in telling them who their daughter really is. Her family have been incredibly supportive to me, apologising for her behaviour, helping me move house twice in the last 2 months and continually inviting me to visit them. I also expect that her work colleagues are aware of what is going on. I asked her what she had told all of them and she said "the truth" whatever she feels that is. Apparently they are all "in agreement and incredibly supportive of me" and she "hopes that I am having a similar amount of support." A mutual friend of the OM told me a few weeks ago "well it's fine surely if you're marriage was over - that had nothing to do with N, and besides, if they're in love it's the right thing...." Have to say I was deeply disturbed by that attitude and decided not to bother with that friendship!

So exposure is as complete as I can make it I think. They both keep emphasising that they've done nothing wrong, even though I've pointed out many a time that it is wrong just from the commonly accepted idiom that you don't sleep with your mate's wife/ex wife or as a colleague sleep with your colleague's wife/ex wife, or as a wife sleep with your ex's mate and colleague within 3 weeks of the end of the marriage! They are both totally unashamed and happily booking holidays and expensive weekends away and concerts as far ahead as November. Looks like they're in for the long haul. W has swopped like for like in some ways - career, qualifications, likes cooking and food, travel. But then my complete opposite in others - the OM is obsessed with appearance and expense, has �5000 shoes etc. The WAW is usually found in soccer kit and scabby trainers, hates shopping and is very outdoorsy and sports mad. The OM wouldn't want to break a nail, let alone spend the evening at the in-laws farm building sheep pens, and a football match would be completely out of the question as it's far too common a pastime.....

I'm in this for the long haul. I have 2 yrs before we can actually be divorced as we were only married such a short time and she's refused to admit unreasonable behaviour. I'm very much seeing in the WAW a complete change in character, almost tantamount to a breakdown. Other people have said the same, including her family. She's become a completely different person to the one I met those years ago. Not thinking in the same way, not doing the same things/hobbies, and all this suddenly giving up on her most strong impulse which was always to have a family. She's said to me she's given up on that ideal now apparently.

I'm looking after myself. I'm back to work again on Monday after a 2 week break. I've joined a rambling group, spent lots of time out with my friends, booked a kitesurfing holiday and been travelling to see my mates in other parts of the UK. I've got a decent house, and it's clean & tidy (which I'm sure would bash the necessary holes in her twisted logic that I hate housework and am some nasty slob placed on the earth to drive her insane via undiagnosed OCD). I've been exercising and kept off the weight that I lost in the first month after the split. I'm aiming to lose some more. I think this is the only way forwards too - either I'll meet someone else fantastic because I've got positive vibes, or the WAW will have an epiphany. Either way, I hope to end up happy, and have the family that I crave also.

I think you're right. At the moment she is in the fog with the OM living it up. The OM told me when I confronted that "your marriage was over 13 months ago when you moved in together, I had nothing to do with it." Interesting why the W bothered to marry me 7 months after "it was over" so I've no idea what pack of lies and deceit and twisted reality is going on between them. I don't think any direct questioning will get through. I'm maintaining my rules of no contact, although have to send her a list of expenses she owes me for work done on her rental property to make it habitable whilst I was living there for a couple of weeks after we split. I think I will do this by post.

Should I answer if she phones or contacts me or just ignore it?

Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.