Ok will get busy H4L lol! It's a lovely sunny day today so off to see madam the get ready for another twelve weeks hard slog at work.
Was able to let a few more things out the bag last night with H he was very comforting and reassuring, then bless him cooked dinner whilst I took a shower. Without the money situation things would be good between us, I've noticed last night he kept saying he wasn't going anywhere and even said ever. Yet I did nothing to instigate this type of reassurance. His valentine card says love you forever and always I keep it by my bed to remind me. Oh well another week begins although I found myself sorta chatting to God in the car yesterday and reminded him Id pulled my weight as best as I could and could he consider giving me a break this week! Here's hoping he's feeling generous for all of us!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
That is so FABULOUS that H is stepping forward with the concrete reassurances you have been longing for. Wow. I do think once this financial stuff is resolved your R will be in a good place. Make sure you get enough sleep this week somehow. Go into your LR cave.
Yes RR I do think I need a LR cave this week, I have a feeling its gonna be a toughie..
H rang from where he was and I think he regretted going as not only had it been a bad day, he has to sleep in pretty rough accomadation and he arrived back too late to find anywhere to eat..
With that in mind I told him of my awkward conversation with S(21) who believes I should be laying a few more boundaries down.. so I explained what boundaries S was suggesting but not saying that I agreeded or disagreed just leaving them open for thought!
I mentioned that I would be asking at my work place about some contracting work for him, and mentioned it needs to be done even though I know he will hate it..
I think I just walked away and also didnt fix it..
What was the thing about the hard bit is after a WAS returns home the LBS seems to become the WAS well I can feel me walking even if only in a theorectical sense not a real one!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
LR: What was the thing about the hard bit is after a WAS returns home the LBS seems to become the WAS well I can feel me walking even if only in a theorectical sense not a real one!
This is an interesting thing to think about.
And I think you're at a point where you should be able to calmly, pleasantly discuss a few boundaries you might need in a non-confrontational manner. This is going to have to be done, it seems, sooner or later if you two aren't going to MC.
It's tough to have to take all that on but will ultimately be worth it. But don't let him stick you in mother or fix-it zone!
And I think you're at a point where you should be able to calmly, pleasantly discuss a few boundaries you might need in a non-confrontational manner. This is going to have to be done, it seems, sooner or later if you two aren't going to MC.
It's tough to have to take all that on but will ultimately be worth it. But don't let him stick you in mother or fix-it zone!
I totally agree. And unfortunately finances can be a real trap for getting into the mother/fixit zone. I think a good approach is a sitdown, verbally say all the facts about the finances, tell him what solutions you are implementing, and ask for his input on solutions. That puts him in an empowered, grownup role. Even if he suggests your solution, it's face-saving because he brings it forward.
I wish H and I had been able to have conversations like that.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
LR - Flowmom has it right. Put it on paper, ask him to come up with solutions. Make him feel like the man of house and at the same time make him fix the issue instead of you fixing it. You are not hiding from the issues, don't let him hide. There are solutions out there, and if he comes up with the solutions, then he will be more likely to follow thru. You have been the strong one long enough, time for H to pull some of the weight...more of a team effort.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Lots going on here, nasty financial problem averted by some parental help! But it was H who rang my parents for help which can't have been easy.
I also asked about him working with me, my boss is checkng it out with HR so we will wait and see, I also explained about the financial help I had with madam, why do I feel a thank you wouldn't go a miss but it willbe a long wait before I get one.
Just feel we lumber from one crisis to the next... And just to add insult to injury he tells me stuff about sis, I so wanted to scream you have only got till Easter and your time is up on that boundary... Oh I feel such a doormat at the moment!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
You don't have to be a doormat! What is it that is making you feel that way? What changes can you make that will feel more empowering to you?
Don't lose sight of the positives... he did tell you about sister right? He is not hiding it. Also, he made that call to your parents, which must have been very difficult as well. That is something that demonstrates a willingness to work with you on this. Reward the positives.
LR: Just feel we lumber from one crisis to the next... And just to add insult to injury he tells me stuff about sis, I so wanted to scream you have only got till Easter and your time is up on that boundary... Oh I feel such a doormat at the moment!
It sounds like it's going to be one of those years. It's good about him taking initiative to make the difficult call. BUT HAVING TO HEAR ABOUT THE SIS CRAP IS TOO MUCH. He really must feel it's "nothing" if he goes on and on about it. You can probably rest easy that it IS nothing too. Still, you've discussed a time limit on this boundary so... Good luck to you when the time comes. Rough week, lady! Hang in there! You're doing great through rolling seas!
yayayayayayayayay!