Claims he’s got dozens of women friends he has close friendships with and his wife knows about them.
I would make the same claim, though the number might be less than a dozen. But my wife not only knows about them, she's met them, and a couple of them are her best friends and they often go out shopping together without me, etc. My wife and I often have dinner as a double-couple with some of my female best friends and their husbands. Most of my closest friends are women, but I have a few male best friends too. It's been that way throughout my marriage, and that alone has never been a problem. I think it's made me more aware of the boundary issues, because I've certainly bumped into them, as I've been pursued by women too, though not in such a forward way as men often do.
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He was seriously trying to tell me that there was nothing improper with the level of contact he initiated with me (all the while trying to play footsie under the table).
Did you pull your foot away or in any indicate you did not like it? If you did not pull your foot away, you're telling him you DID think it was appropriate, even though you're thinking otherwise. I'm sensing big a disconnect somewhere here.
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He even claimed he told his wife he was going out to dinner with me last night.
Well, why don't the three of you go out together if you're just friends?
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I ended up saying to him that I thought he was deluding himself. From my perspective he had been engaging in a emotional affair with me and that was as inappropriate as a sexual one.
The issue for you is really not whether, in general, his behavior is inappropriate or not. You are not his moral policeman. The only question is, is it what you want? And apparently it's not, and that makes his behavior inappropriate with you. This is not what you are looking for. This is not what you want. I'm not sure if you've been clear enough about that with him, or if he's just dense and thinks all women are the same, and if he's ever gonna have an affair like his boss did, then he needs to be able to succeed in having an affair with you, because if he can't have one with you, how could he ever have an affair with anybody. Or something like that.
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there was anything wrong with calling me several times a day, e-mailing daily, instant messaging for hours late at night).
The point is YOU don't want it. As for it being generally "wrong", don't forget there are women who would welcome such deliciously "wrong" things. Oohhh, this is so WRONG (turn on!), etc. YOU DON'T WANT IT, period -- that's the only thing that matters.
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I think what I’m most offended by is that he didn’t even try to justify himself. He didn’t even try to excuse his behaviour – he is convinced there’s nothing wrong with it.
I think he's been watching too many movies, and has little experience with real women in this context. Too many 007 movies where James Bond wins over a seemingly at-first reluctant woman. Or lines from the movie "Spread", where the character played by Ashton Kutcher voices to the audience, "When a woman tells you you're not getting any, even before you make a move, you know you're getting it."
