I am tempted to call or email my H to tell him that I love him.
DU, You are not supposed to tell him ILU. That's pursuing. It's up to you....but think about why you feel the need to tell him and what do you expect that he will reply? You may be setting yourself up for another disappointment.
BTW I'm happy to hear that you are re-considering the "giving up everything" strategy.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila - The purpose is to let him know I care and that I am here for him. I know it is considered pursuing, but I don't know if he knows how I feel.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU, I don't know if I'm the best person to give advice, I'm pretty new at this myself. My WH left in January. In between September (that's when I discovered his Affair) and January, I've done nothing but try to make him see how much I love him, I also said it many (to many) times. It got to the point that I stopped expressing my love because it hurt to much not to hear it back. HE KNOWS how I feel.
I try to treat him with love, caring and compassion. I show my love without saying it. When he was leaving I told him that despite his choices I still care about him very much, that this is not what I want and that I'm letting him go because that's what he wants. I know that he knows that the door is still open, he just doesn't know how much.
I don't know if this helps you, this is just how I chose to tell my WH that I still care. You are the only one who knows what's best for you.
Last edited by Mila; 03/21/1001:12 PM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Destiny, What do you do? Nothing. Do not call or text him right now. He still has 30 days before deployment. When the time gets closer, you can send him a text wishing him the best and to stay safe. He already knows that you love him and want him to return to the marriage/relationship. You do not need to keep saying ILU to him....for it is pushing him further away and it's called pursuing.
You are entitled to half of everything that you and your h built together and I wouldn't give him everything. He's the one that walked out on you and the marriage. Why would you give him everything? Please don't throw everything away just to prove to him that you care and want him to have everything. For one thing, he wouldn't care one bit and most likely if you gave him everything, he would give it all away, etc. MLCers like to do their own thing and all of your items would be smacking him in the face and reminding him of what he's done. No, I wouldn't give anything up at this point.
Find something else to focus on today. You do not need to set yourself up for another round of disappointment.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
DU-glad to see that you are re-thinking things....that is good! I guess what they say about wait for 24-48hrs before you make any decisions is a good thing!
As Mila and Snodderly said...don't call him. He does know you love him and that is a good idea tha snodderly said to wait until it is closer to his departure date!
Go out and play!!! The sun is finally out here...hope you are seeing it too!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Mila, Snodderly, FM, and CW - Thank you for all of your advice and continued support! I guess I will have my days where I feel a little down, but I have to pick myself up.
Did not call, but it is sometimes hard. I did get out today with a neighbor to visit our county rec center and then went for a walk. I am cooking "Sunday" dinner right now which is something I HAVE NOT done in a long time. Since I am only the one here, I guess I will be eating leftovers for a while.
I am also going to do some baking and take the goodies to work tomorrow. I hope you all are having a great Sunday.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
The H just called and I DID NOT answer. Why is he calling?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Destiny, don't beat yourself up for being down occasionally, we all have those days....The 24/48 hour rule that Confusedwife mentioned is great - when you are not sure don't rush into anything, sleep on it and ask your DB friends for advice.
Good willpower for not calling him
Cooking for one - not fun. I like your idea to take your baking to work to share. I find that I love to cook for others, not so much just for myself. What are you making?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
