I spoke to the W about losing my job. She had the deer in the headlights look. I told her everything will be ok and not to worry financially because my severance isgood.
I spoke for about five minutes and then walked away. She came up to me and hugged me and asked if I was OK. I said yes but it's been a bit stressful.
A couple of days later I told her I am not extending my lease due to expire in May. I told her I have two options, live with someone for cheap or move back in the house. She said I can live with her parents for a month and then she is going to Italy for three weeks and I can go back in the house. She also said she might consider moving in with her parents when she got back and then perhaps by then I will find a job.
She is still in clinical depression. She is on the maximum dosage allowed for Lexipro. The other day she stayed home alone and she said she really enjoys her alone time. I think she is still realing over the OM (it's been 5 months since NC but they work at the same school). I did a no no. I looked at her diary. Her last entry was a month ago. A letter of sorts to him. He said to a mutual friend that he never loved her and portrayed my W as a crazy ex lover. Her entry said how hurt she was and how much she still loved him and hoped that he still thinks highly of her as well and she hopes before he leaves in June that he will say goodbye and tell her that he truly does care about her.
The OM has gone back to his W and is completely ignoring my W. It's hard on her since they work at the same school.
It looks like she will not be able to fully defog until he is completely gone, but what do I do in the mean time? Her self confidence is at an all time low. She has historically had very low self esteem and this makes it worse which is part of the reason I think why she won't let go of the "fairytale" She doesn't want to "believe" its wasn't all true.
Where do I go from here. I am initiating contact a bit more. I am trying to do nice things for her but no over do it. She is at rock bottom but only occassionaly looks to me for emotional support. I may need to wait this one out until the end of the school year, but I am dieing.
Any specific advice and words of encouragement would be more than welcome right about now. I really would love to know how to approach this. I still do love her. Something tells me that continuing to do acts of unconditional love and show loving support is the way to go, as apposed to stand back.
I would love to get your opinion on something. The other day she said she was going out with some friends from work. I said sounds like fun and then I said, wait you had a date? I told her I would appreciate it if she told me she was dating so I can move on. I told her very calmly she can do anything she wants but I feel I have the right to know so I can move on. She said she will not tell me. WTF??
