That is why I am thinking about giving up all of it.. my M, our home, my H, and just move on to start fresh.
As Cat said this is YOUR call however, make sure that you are making the choices that YOU want not what everyone else wants for YOU.
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This would be the last unselfish gift to give to my H, and since everyone wants me to give up (the H, family, friends, etc.), maybe they are all right.
When you detach from all of this and spend some time finding who YOU are then I think YOU will be able to determine what is "right". If you doing this expecting him to react you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Have you ever thought that by letting go you would show "unselfishness".
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I plan to call my L today
Good.
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and ask him to draft up a SA that gives up everything to my H
Personally, I do not think this is the right choice; however if this is what YOU want then go ahead. Just make sure it is what YOU want. I would suggest taking a few days off before you decided on any course of action.
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but it is over
PMA - positive mental attitude! It ain't over till the fat lady sings. Time can do wonders - give him his time and take YOUR time - do not rush and do not believe it is over.
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It is time to give in and give up.
If that is what YOU want but I think you feel this way because....
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I feel tired and the pain of my H's behavior (or spewing) is sometimes more than I can take.
Detach...detach....detach...work on you...work on you...work on you...heal....heal....heal.... Once you do this YOU will be in a much better place.
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Thinking about moving to another city, and starting over.
You need to start all over again...you do..however, you need to start all over in YOU - moving is not needed but if that is what YOU want - go for it.
Don't quit - hold you head up high. These are his issues not yours. Your job in this is to work on yourself - find your inner strength! I know you can do this so stop running. Most people will run - you my dear are stronger than this but you need some time to heal and recoupe. Take this time..take this time...
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
DU, stop all this crazy talk! Right now your objective is to work on YOU.
Yes on calling the L... but NO to giving your H everything. Stop. Right. Now! You call a L to find out your rights. You call a L to think logically and objectively for YOU and to look out for your best interests. You DO NOT call a L to give everything up.
Your friends and family think they have your best interests at heart because they see you suffering. They want that suffering to end. So do we! Keep your spirits up my dear. YOU are worth it. Don't short change yourself.
In the .alt I told you to draw up a project plan. That needs to be in place because you're shooting from the hip and innocent bystanders are going to get hurt. This is the biggest and most important project you're going to work on because it is your life plan.
When you're in an emotional state you make irrational decisions and plenty of mistakes. Hold up. Sit tight and wait for the emotion to pass. This way you will make less mistakes. OK?
I'll catch up with you in the .alt.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I am hurt, yes, but I believe this is the right thing to do. I don't need or want anything other than my dignity from this hopeless R.
Yes, I spoke to the L, but he thinks it is VERY unwise and asked that I spend the weekend rethinking. I am sorry all, but i am beginning to feel very angry about all of this and it is the last "gift" I will ever give for this R. He can have it all.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Yes, I spoke to the L, but he thinks it is VERY unwise and asked that I spend the weekend rethinking.
You are paying your L and he is giving you good advice, we are giving you the same advice. I guess you are right and everyone else is wrong including the L that you are paying.
How else should I respond? I really appreciate and want the advice of everyone on this board. I just don't see any other way.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU - Please give yourself the gift of time. Please do not make any rash decisions. When you do that the outcome usually ends up hurting you more.
Have you really thought this plan out well? Have you listed the pros/cons of this for you? If you give everything up to your H will you have the resources available to go somewhere and start over?
DU, you must think only of yourself at this time. You're coming at this out of pain and emotions. You would be trying to do the same thing your H has done. Trying to run from the pain and it will not work!
If you think of this as a selfless act to your H as your last gift to him he will not view it that way for a long time, if ever. In the mean time you will just add to your suffering. You are worth way more more than this DU.
I truly know what a big hit to your self esteem this is. Please step back and start by loving your self first and then the healing process can begin. You will then be able to think more clearly and not make decisions that are fueled by pain.
You can get through this. Give yourself the gift of time.
DU, you are not the one that wants the divorce. Instead of "giving it all to him" you could let your WH do all the hard work and propose TO YOU how he wants to divide the assets. It would be interesting to see what he would come-up with. You can decide what to do after you see his offer. Just a thought....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
DU....many hugs! If you give everything to your H, he will not learn from this. You need to protect yourself! You make sure you get what is yours! HE chose to leave. Your H must hit rock bottom before he can start coming out of this fog he is in and he won't do that if you give him everything. I am just figuring this out for myself!!! Don't lie down and take this from him sweetie!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Thank you all. I just don't want to feel like he owed me something and that I took ANYTHING from him. I can start over fresh on my own - with nothing from this M. He made the decision to leave, he is making the decision to not come back. I don't need or want anything from HIM.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
okay this morning feeling a little different and rethinking the "giving up everything". Need your help though, because I am tempted to call or email my H to tell him that I love him. He is going to 'training' session for his deployment this week and there is only one month before he deploys.
What do I do?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
