The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

Fun night. Spent four hours with old HS friend. She said everyone was shocked when W got together 15 years ago. I'm outgoing and love to talk and W is quiet and withdrawn.

It was fun and a good time.

Thanks to those who chimed in. Long day ahead of me tomorrow and not sure what to expect from W about next week.

In nights like this I don't care.

Funny question. To the Match.com members out there. I was talking to my friend about the ways I've tried to move on the past 10 months. She said since W has filed for divorce I should change my Match profile to divorced to see what happens.

I said I don't feel right. To me, we are still married. What do you think?

[courageous wife]

I haven't been with you thru your whole sitch but if it doesn't feel right to change your profile to divorced, then don't! It is not "over" until the fat lady sings!!!!

[Bridgestone]

See what happens where? From Match.com hookups? From your wife? is she monitoring you Match.com site?

So what would you tell someone you meet from Match.com about how long you've been divorced? (because they will ask).

Well, I'm really married, but we've been separated so long it seems as if we are divorced.

My suggestion would be to keep it as separated. When you can truthfully say you are divorced.. then change it.

[SpyBunny]

I agree with Bridge- keep it honest.

[awest1217]

I hope this week goes well. Take everything one day at a time and try not to focus on the "what ifs". You have a good week ahead of you after this week so just focus on that.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. Changing it to divorced would by lying. Bridgestone ... W may be monitoring Match.

Side note, I received an email from a lady through Meetup.com. I joined a singles group and she noticed I like to go bike riding. I'm going to respond tonight.

Sunday was more challenging working the running race. I definitely am not in as good of shape as I was last year. The hernia surgery and foot injuries have knocked me back a bit.

Four weeks until the next one -- the Crazy Legs Classic in Madison. I don't have any friends up there to meet up with though.

[ClingingToHope]

So no response from W on the last email in the Friday exchange. No calls or texts either so I'm not sure what's happening Monday in terms of the girls' afterschool schedule. It'll be interesting.

[ClingingToHope]

Call from W. Lots of drama while I was in Chicago. D11 started her period. Yikes. D7 is back on ADHD medicine because she's struggling finishing her homework. D7 lost a tooth.

The girls' new after school sitter starts today, but D7 still wants to do after school Y care because there are several kids from her class.

I said she probably could do Y care a couple of days a week.

W also made dentist appointments for them for next Monday. Smart. It's my week with them.

Just journaling this last part for my records. W has late nights this week Monday and Friday.

W should be getting my response to her initial proposal today or tomorrow. It'll be interesting to see what's next.

Second Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University Class tonight. Will he be able to show me how to get out of two major debts? I did my monthly budget based on Feb. and March numbers. Wow, I'm spending way too much on my phone and food -- which includes restaurants and going out.

I should be able to cut down on those. In my two days in Chicago I spent exactly $5. We got complimentary breakfasts at the hotel. There was a food spread at the company. He wanted us to make our own lunch and take it with so we didn't have to go somewhere for lunch and my Chicago friend covered Saturday night's dinner.

I've basically got one weekend like that a month from now through October.

[faithisbelieving]

I bought and read every book I could on reconcilliation, and even highlighted some of the stuff, just to lend credence to "this WILL work out". The real issue was, however, I was trying to "push water uphill",

....and that is why I have always urged people here to read Dr. Grey's book. He clearly explains how and why 'hoping for reconciliation' is a true form of denial in every sense. He goes on to describe what REALLY has to occur for a marriage to reconcile (and I can tell you it has NOTHING to do with DB'ing).
FIB

[faithisbelieving]

What caught my eye is that 87 percent of separated couples never get back together.

You know, in medicine, we treat people's cancers based on statistics. Now...I know that anything can happen. We don't remove hope from cancer patients and we shouldn't remove hope (initially) from DB'ers.

However, the stats exist. Once you find yourself on this board, you are in the category of 'severe'. Once your spouse leaves, odds are it's done. Another fact, most women separate because of an OM that his kept hidden.

Knowing what I know now, I would have never left. I would have forced her to move because I'm not sure she would have the strength to actually rip the girls from their home.

Know something..in retrospect, IMO, that is the BEST way to go. Why? It shows you won't be a doormat. It shows you are a man who is in touch with his emotions. It shows it is NOT OK to have an affair...that is it UNACCEPTABLE. It forces detachment.

I regret that I didn't ask STBXW to leave after first discovery, over ONE YEAR before filing. Just an FYI from someone whose been there.

FIB