flowmom | need to commit to myself

[Gardener]

fm,

Last night I re-experienced one of the unpleasant symptoms that I think might have come from the Zoloft: lying in bed feeling alarmed by how unnaturally loudly my heart seemed to be pounding.

Tell your doctor. Your last bad experience with Zoloft may not have been for the reasons you cited: Zoloft may not be the right AD for you. Like I told you before, I tried three before we hit on one that "worked".

I don't have any clinical anxiety condition, but I do feel that - for me - a lot of what feels like depression is actually masked, diffuse anxiety.

This is very common: Depression/anxiety can go hand in hand and one can almost be "disguised" as the other.. I don't have panic attacks (racing heart, difficulty breathing, etc.) but I experience anxiety. And the one pharmaceutical I still have is a low dose, non-habit-forming anti-anxiety medicine. When I think I need it, it takes maybe 5 - 10 minutes to kick in and I feel nothing (not drugged, woozy, etc): it just takes the edge off just enough.
Repeat: talk to your doctor.