How do I expose the affair

[june72]

Sorry, mb this is for Saffie, my experience with D as a child

My experience with D as a child? Not too much better than the drama that was going on preD. If my parents had actually worked on themselves instead of the cr@p they did if would have been best of all.
Mother and father fought wildly pretty much every night and my sister and I would feel obligated to console each parent. Eventually father attacked our mom in front of us and strangled her. She did not D him right away.

The D process was HELL!!!! It went on for a long time, Years. We as children were as which parent we wanted to be with- horrible! Father attempted suicide twice with all this. Parents bcame completely broke cashing in all our savings and our college money.

Post D has to spend weekends one hour away from friends with a miserable dad in a tiny trailer. Well, he was broke what else could he afford. Trailer has bugs and mice and smelled of propane fuel during the winter. We sat and smoked cigarettes all day long and listen to my father nonstop bash my mother endlessly. It was endless in torture. I hated going over there. Hated it!!! But guilt made me go, since he would often say that his children are the only reason his is still living. May be true but don't tell your kids that.
I was the go-between. My parents did not speak so all messages were relayed by me. I would have to clean up my father's response since it usually was full of profanity. My mother and father would have their arguments thru me- nice....
I also was the one that both parents now turned to confide there adults issues- money, job, stress, etc. I would listen to my father worry that he would get laid off or my mother would ask my advice about the latest mental hospital my sister was admitted to. Did I think it was good? bad? ugg...

I was isolated, alone, sad. Honestly it would have been nicer if my parents worked on things. My father had severe depression after losing his job. We had moved from NYC about 4 years earlier- leaving all his friends and family and he did not fit in well. He was considered to abrasive for a small town but the norm for downstate.

My mother always dealt with severe anxiety, always in denial. When my father lost his job- she lost it and was on him NON STOP. It was endless the badgering, my father withdrew more and more. Spiral down...

Anyhow,
glad they D for the short term b/c the anxiety and stress was bad as a child. Very bad. Eggshells all the time. The D crap did not make things better.
I would have rather they worked on things


20 years later my mother and father became friends again a few months b4 he died. He always loved her and never moved on in a way. She remarried to an emotionally abusive man. Not a suprise since she did not D my father after the strangling incident it was a year later she then filed. Neither ever addressed the issues they each had that caused the marriage demise and they suffered for it.

That is my experience. Work on it, fix it.
Of course it takes 2 to fix a marriage.... so...