Went out with a couple of friends last night, one of which was a girl I had some attraction to that I've written about before, and her sister. As I mentioned earlier, we've known each other a long time and she is divorced. I had always sensed she had a little bit of a "thing" for me. But I spent most of the night talking with the sister, as there were a few other male friends that the other woman ran into and she spent most of her time talking with them.
I found myself feeling less attracted to her, and almost trying to "force" some attraction that I wasn't feeling in my heart. I kept thinking how dumb that was. Perhaps it's a sign that this is not something that I should be engaging in.
An interesting side note to this is that I considered asking her if she'd like to go to the zoo and hang out. Today my W stopped by to pick up some things and said she was taking the kids to the zoo! Not something we do a lot, so it struck me that what a horrible thing it would have been to have my kids run into me at the zoo with some other woman.
Maybe it could have served as a nice 2x4 to my W's head, but I would have hated to have my kids see that. Take from this what you want, but I think sometimes God does deliver messages in quite obvious ways as to what he wants you to do when he sees you straying from the path.
Divorce may be inevitable for us, but right now I still get the message that it's not time to move on to other women just yet. It makes sense, too, as I don't feel I am ready to enter in to another relationship. I would want to feel "right" about it, and not just have a "rebound" to satisfy my need for female companionship. I can go out and have fun, but guard my heart. When and if the time comes, I think God will let it be known to me.
Right now I feel comfortably detached and patient.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
