The other thing I need to ask is, should I then ask the painful question next saturday? "Is there someone else?"
Nope. Don't ask. Waste of time...
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Should I then assume there is already? Isn't one of the principles of DR "Act as if" ?
Don't take "Act as if" out of context. If you KNEW she was having an affair do you think that you should "act as if" she isn't having one?
I think you need to assume that her having an affair is a solid definite possiblity. Yes. Why? BECAUSE the symptoms are there that she is. Not wanting to work on the relationship is a huge red flag. If there was NOT someone else on her mind, then she would be willing to give it a try. After all, you have given her flowers, been romantic, told her you love her, made changes you thought she wanted, etc. etc... It doesn't make sense for her not to at least try UNLESS you factor in that there is someone else. It then makes total sense why she doesn't want to try. Same as you don't want to try to have a relationship with some woman who you have no feelings for. Even if a woman told you she wanted you right now and would do anything you wanted to be with you. You would be telling her you just are not interested. Why? Because of YOUR interest in your wife. THAT is the key here in what is going on in her mind beneath the surface that she isn't going to divulge to you. She is just going to keep telling you it is too late and she needs her space and yada yaday yada.
