flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

FM, how're you doing today?

Feeling happy about the first day of spring . I am like a child when it comes to feeling excited about all the special calendar days . As a nature lover, the spring equinox today (tonight at midnight-ish) is very meaningful to me. Today is half light, half dark: life is in perfect balance. Life is stirring in the black soil that seeemed so barren. Flowers are bursting open and the sun is shining. Optimism is on the menu.

Do you think you're sobbing because you miss your husband, or because you miss someone (since you're not used to the void - none of us are) or because you're afraid of the unknown or because you feel something good is now ruined etc? I think it's important for you to know the reason.

1. I am deeply saddened by the pain this seems to be causing my children in the present.

2. I adore my H and I want to touch him, be close to him, and talk with him...it hurts not to have that.

3. All my dreams for the future revolved around our life as a whole, intact family...I'm mourning the loss of those dreams.

4. I'm scared of the future (multi-part fears).

5. The rejection that I'm experiencing is triggering deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, unloveability, insecurity. I am having to process the consequences of having been emotionally neglected as a child. Again.

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Hmm, I guess even in writing this post I've felt the light and the dark. Just need to stop the dark from blotting out the light.