You can't leave this open ended and in her hands. This is an addiction.. you NEED to grasp that concept. She cannot stop this on her own.
1. She has to be willing to share all communication info with you at all times 2. NO more secrets 3. No more contact with OM - either way 4. Change her cell number 5. Change her email address
THAT is no conact, you cannot just ask her to stop contacting him and leave it with her.
It needs to be CLEAR what the boundary is there, and it needs YOU to follow up to make sure it is RESPECTED
Note on 3. No contact has to happen both ways.
This means
a. She removes any and all means of contacting him - erase all email, all phone book listings in her cell, remove all pictures of him from her PC, remove him from facebook accounts, etc. AND she gets NEW internet accounts AFTER she has removed him from them. She also shares ALL PASSWORDS with you for both the old and the new accounts.
b. She sends ONE EMAIL to him from YOUR account with BOTH your names on it written as a couple :
"WE do not want ANY FURHTER contact with you, yada yada..."
Signed at the bottom with BOTH your names
That letter must be HARD AND CLEAR to him... no I love you but.. or any of that crap
I am sure some people here can give you some samples of no contact letters.
If your wife has issues with the boundaries above, then you have to fight harder. Get her a good Family Therapist that deals with infidelity AS AN ADDICTION etc
