Lea, I am so sorry for you that things have taken a turn for ugly. I don't understand your H. He wants the D, so he says, but he doesn't want to go through the steps to get there unless things are done his way, which he should realize all will not go his way.
I would suggest you say to him that if you two can not negotiate in good faith, then you will turn the whole process over to L going completely dark on him. This is too painful for you to continue handling this the way you have so far. Do not roll over for him and allow him to dictate the process.
He seems a little angry. Could it be that he has decided to keep OW away from sons?
