The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

Up at 5 a.m. to go to work at the Shamrock Shuffle in Chicago. How do I keep my mind from racing? I keep going over every argument that she's likely to put forward with a counter argument.

I'm trying to remember the Stockdale paradox -- to trust in the end of the story and to trust that I'm going to come out of this OK. But the bitterness is rising. She can reject me. I've handled that mostly, but to take the girls from me. Her return email asked if I really enjoyed my time with the girls after school or if I was just posturing to prove I have them 50 percent of the time.

She doesn't get it at all. I live for the times I have my kids -- like I lived for the times we were together as a family.

I know I'm supposed to stay calm through all of this, but it's amazing to me how important all this is to me.

I'm fearing the process now. I'm fearing the worst.