My understanding is that you are gentler, more compassionate, empathetic to a MLC spouse because their actions are more pain driven than a WAS. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Mila - I've been through the resources looking for answers. Some of it fits my H as a MLC. Some of it doesn't. I am very confused and am struggling with knowing how to proceed as my end goal is to try and save my marriage. You do some things different when it's MLC vs WAH. Know one thing for sure, my H is depressed.
Hi SA, I've been looking into that as well. If it's WAS someone suggested that "gucci loafer" has some strategies that work. I was also told not to use them if it's MLC that they would backfire. I'm inclined to believe that my is MLC.
Dissatisfaction with life/job/marriage. Anger, blame, fear of aging, preoccupation with "looking young", change in habits, music, lifestyle, clothing, affair, depression to the point of suicidal thoughts.....Would WAS have these?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Your H definitely sounds like he's in a MLC from what I've read and heard. I think a WAS plan things out to a much greater degree than MLCers.
My H also displays most of those things, but has also had bouts of depression for years. There is a list of 36 questions on the 40/60 site about whether it's a MLC or not and I can give a definite yes answer to 29 of those questions for H. I believe my H is having a MLC complicated with andropause as I believe his testosterone level is very low. Can't be sure of any of it as he won't see a doc. Not my problem anymore. He'll work it out or he won't. I'm working very hard on the detaching thing because I can't fix this. Accepting that fact is me working on me, also.
It was pointed out to me that DB principles are the same whether it's a MLC or WAS. Asking questions, reading and listening to gain knowledge for understanding of why H is doing what he is doing, and working on me is the only thing I can do to bring me any peace with all of this.
Weekend was GREAT, had fantastic time with D & her friend. I must say I didn't even miss him being there with us (progress lol)
Originally Posted By: seeking answers
Hi Mila, There is a list of 36 questions on the 40/60 site about whether it's a MLC or not and I can give a definite yes answer to 29 of those questions for H.
I will look at these
Quote:
I believe my H is having a MLC complicated with andropause as I believe his testosterone level is very low.
I suspect that as well, WH is depressed, has memory loss and had some mild issues with arousal (pre affair). Had physical, but didn't ask the doctor for hormone test as I suggested.
Quote:
Not my problem anymore. He'll work it out or he won't. I'm working very hard on the detaching thing because I can't fix this. Accepting that fact is me working on me, also.
ditto
(((Hugs back)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
While visiting 40/60, please visit Scout's blog. Her blog may answer some of your questions.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
CW, I was just Google-ing it, I assumed that 40/60 would be the name of some web site on MLC, but nothing obvious came up. SA or Snodderly would you please have the link for it? Thank you
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
